Holding On (COMPLETED)

Chapter three

I take the elevator up to the fifth floor, almost there. I'm on edge, worried about how Izzy will be when I get back. Fuck I miss her like crazy, it's been three hours and forty minutes since I left. I'm so whipped. I smile, I'm also the luckiest bastard alive.
I step off and walk down the corridor to her room, I can feel her. She is happy, as I get closer I can hear her laugh and it makes me smile even more. I pause outside, listening to her laughing with Jace about his dream girl. They settle down and I can feel her sadness creeping over me and I step forward to take it away from her but her words stop me in my tracks.
"Jace if your girl couldn't give you children, would that be a deal breaker for you? I know you want like a million or something"
"Well maybe not quite a million but close, do I love her?" He asks.
"So much" she whispers.
"So I can have a great love but no children with this woman? Hmm, yeah it's a deal breaker. I need both, I guess some women can be replaced right?"
"Yeah" she sighs long and heavy.
No Izzy, some women can't.
"Beth can't have kids? Is that what you're saying?" He asks worried.
"I've never asked her, I know she wants them. I'm sure it's not an issue, but if you are serious you should ask before it goes any further" her voice is breaking.
"Honey what's wrong? Is this a hypothetical question? C'mere" I can hear the panic in his voice and feel the hurt in her chest.
"Are we talking about you? Honey talk to me" he urges
"Yes, I can never give Coop a chance to be a father. This world has taken so much from him, how can I take this too?" She is crying.
Fuck baby.
"Oh Izzy, Cooper is not me. All he has ever wanted was you, I want a woman because I want kids. Have you told him? You need to talk about this"
"He didn't know when he proposed, I told him afterwards"
"What did he say?"
"He said he got just got me, that it was okay because he didn't want to share me. Yet. I'm not sure he was even aware of that little three letter word but it told me all I need to know"
"How do you know you can't?" He asks and he is just as sad as Izzy.
"I never got my period when all the other girls my age did, when I was sixteen mum took me to the doctor, they said because of my size I didn't develope the way I should have. I dont ovulate, and no eggs means no babies. The doctors put me on the pill to start my cycle and I told mum I was fine after that" she takes a large breath and I don't understand why she has never told me this, fuck I'm not sure I have asked.
"You didn't tell anyone? Iz, you have serious issues letting people in. You need to get over it, you have so many people who love you"
"Sorry" she mumbles
"You need to take your own advice and talk to Cooper. Tell him how you feel"
"I can't" she says frustrated. "If he tells me he wants to be a father one day, I will leave him. I will give him the chance to have that with someone else. I will leave everything I have and never come back. I can't watch him move on, I can't watch him with the child I couldn't give him" oh god no, I lean against the wall, I feel sick.
She can't leave me, she can't walk away from me. I hear her groan.
"What's wrong honey? Are you in pain?" Jace asks concern changing his voice.
"My chest, Cooper" she whispers.
Fuck she feels me too.
"I'll call him, just relax"
Fuck! I switch my phone to silent and backtrack down the hall.
My phone vibrates.
"Yeah" I mumble.
"Dude where are you? Your girl is missing you"
"Elevator, I'll just be a sec" I hang up and catch my breath.
I need a minute. Fuck. How do I feel about that? Yeah I would've loved every minute of creating a child with Isabel, watching it grow inside her, raising a precious little soul and teaching it to love. I dont need it though, its not something I crave, its not something I need to continue breathing. Isabel is. I can look her in the eye and tell I dont want a child.
I switch my phone back to sound and go to comfort my girl.
"Hey beautiful, miss me?" I ask walking straight to her.
"You know I did" she breathes looking at my face.
She is trying to figure out why she felt what she did.
"I missed you too princess" Jace grumbles.
"Oh hey, thats nice" I ignore him and bend to fold Iz in my arms.  "You okay baby?" I ask.
She looks worried.
"Cooper, whats wrong?" She kisses my mouth and I hold on longer than I should, considering Jace's face is right beside her's.
"Nothing now" I breathe.
I feel her relax and she smiles.
"So Mrs Bentley got her delivery" she giggles.
I look around the room, it's quite a sight and I smile too.
"You like them?"
"I love them" she pulls me back for another kiss and I keep this one short. "It's my lucky day, you buy me flowers and Jace buys me underwear" she smirks bumping his shoulder.
I frown.
"Uh say what?" I stammer.
"Correction, Beth and I bought Izzy new clothes and pyjamas and toiletries. This included new underwear and Beth guessed the sizes, not me" he says defensive.
I narrow my eyes at him anyway.
"I thought you were just going to stop by home, pack a few things?"
"Beth thought Iz would enjoy new things better, that it would cheer her up" he chuckles.
"Ha! Cheer Beth up more like it" Iz laughs.
I place her throw blanket on the end of the bed and rearrange the flowers so I can place the fruit bowl beside her bed. I frown when I notice the lunch tray on the table at the end of the bed.
"That's for you Coop, she wanted to make sure you got fed" Izzy mumbles.
"I've already eaten" I say and take it out to the hall where I saw a trolley earlier.
"Izzy told her you weren't interested" Jace tells me pointedly and I nod.
"I snuck these in for later, to go with this" I say pulling out the bag of chips and her iPad.
"I installed Netflix and made sure you have plenty of data" I watch her face light up and I smile.
"So are so fucking good to me" I feel like a king when she looks at me like that.
"You deserve the world baby" I tell her.
"You deserve more than me" her smile falls.
"Hey, don't do that. Give the man some credit, talk to him honey. Don't let this fester, deal with it and move on, together" Jace tells her.
Thanks man, good to know you have my back.
"Deal with what?" I ask knowing that I already know.
"Jace, thanks. Wanna see me kick your ass again?" Izzy groans.
He kisses her cheek and stands up, collecting the empty take out containers and taking them to the waste basket.
"Anytime honey, I can stay and mediate or I can give you privacy? Your choice" he shrugs unapologetic.
"Jace, just so you know I have covered your shift tonight. You need a break, no penalty" I tell him
"Are you working tonight?" Izzy asks me worried.
"Just babysitting my baby" I tease and she releases her breath.
I love that she needs me.
"Thanks man, I need it. Not that I'm complaining, I know you need to be here" he slaps me on the shoulder. "Am I staying or going for this Izzy?" He asks.
"Fuck Jace, can you just leave it? Can't it wait?" Iz sighs and Jace shakes his head.
"Not another hour, trust him. You have to deal with this, now" he looks at me and he is more serious than I've ever seen him. "I've come to bat for you, man for fucks sake prove me right" he looks back at Iz. "Relax honey it's okay. Want me to start you off?" He pushes, fuck am I ready for this conversation?
If I can't convince her, she could leave me.
"Izzy?" I ask.
"You can go, I'll do it" she slumps down into the pillows and I see a tear slide down her cheek.
"Later boss man, call me if you need me. Oh and I see why mealtime was an issue, damn" he whispers the last part.
"Jace. You know you're awesome right?" I smile at him.
"That's what they say" he chuckles.
He blows Iz a kiss and leaves.
I move to the bed and get comfortable beside her and instantly she wraps herself around me like she was waiting to pounce on me. I hold her tight, she better not let me go.