Holding On (COMPLETED)

Epilouge

I sit and wait and as the big jet engines roar to life the sound of my thundering heart is finally over shadowed.
"It's fine" I tell myself, I knew this was coming.
She is leaving me but she is happy about it, he makes her happy. I will smile and wave and be a good brother, I will not let them see my heart is breaking. She will never know I lied to her. Her, my Izzy. The reason my heart beats. I feel a tear start to form in my eye and I hastily wipe it away, not yet. The wheels start to move and the jet turns and moves away from me onto the runway and as I watch, I fight the urge to run after it, to stop it from taking off and kiss my woman the way I need to. She liked that one, I know it. If I just gave in and gave her all of me she would love me too, she loves him I know but I can share. I won't give in, Izzy needs me to be her family not her lover right now and that's what I'll be.

I knew she needed me to tell her I didn't want her, so she could pretend she doesn't want me too. I know she doesn't think she loves us both or maybe she doesn't know how, so I lied to her. When I kissed her on the dance floor I let her believe I didn't enjoy it, she believed me. The feel of her in my arms, on my skin and in my mouth was better than anything I've ever done with another woman. It proved she is the one for me, my heart falling to pieces for her but I fought to stay detached, cold and unfeeling. I pictured myself with someone else, I'm getting good at that, but this time that someone else was not Izzy. I pictured myself kissing a stranger while thinking of my girl screaming and begging for help that didn't come as she calls out for Cooper. She should have been calling me, I should have been the one to save her. Fuck if she was mine she wouldn't have needed saving to start with, he knew she was in danger and he left her anyway. As much as I love Cooper I will never forgive him for that.

The jet takes to the sky and as I watch it disappears from sight and she is gone, I drag my sorry ass in the car and I'm glad I'm driving Izzy's. If I was behind the wheel of the mustang right now I'd be tempted to give it a hiding.

I drive slow and stick to the speed limits, I text a guy I know and make a quick stop at the liquor store to meet him and buy something to ease a broken heart. Sensing my mood he tries to up sell me something heavier and I'm tempted, but I stick to the usual, trees and Jack. I don't bother with the Coke this time, fuck I'm not even going to pour it out before I drink it.
"I just have to get him to agree" I tell the sales lady as I pay for my Bourbon and potato chips and she looks at me funny."It shouldn't be that hard surely? I would be happy with one night a week, he could give me his wife just one night out of seven right?" I ask."He let me kiss her today, that's a start" I continue.
"Sure, you keep trying son" she nods and hands me my brown paper bag as if she can't get rid of me quick enough.

At home I open my bottle and my bag of chips and switch on the TV going straight to Netflix and I use Izzy's account, I go to her watch list and I play the first one, I cover my self with her soft throw blanket as the first of my tears start to fall.
"I love you Izzy" I say out loud and I can almost hear her tell me she loves me too like she did last night here on the couch.

Only four more weeks till I see her face. Fuck! Four weeks without seeing her face.