I really dont know when it started , my whole "darkfase"... but what i do know was that i was around 12 years old..
I cant remember the first time i started with selfharm, but what i do know is that i probably heard of saw it somewhere and decided to try it.
Looking back at it terrible choice to make.. because ones you started it is so difficult to stop.
It has been a struggle every day.
The first few times it was "innocent" i did a few shallow cuts , they would fade away easily.
The times i actually remember really starting it i was around 13 years old. I did it more frequently and deeper...
I would do it when ever i felt like it .. i also started smoking at this age but i never really pushed it. I would steal cigarets from my dad and smoke them whenever i walked the dog. It didnt really helped though.
I got in more fights with my stepmom and i guess that is one of the bigger reasons i did it , how awful it sounds towards her.
I used to hide it very well .. big sleeves, cutting in places no one would see. Those kinda things. But after a while i got less caring and i wanted people to see it.. i wanted them to know that i was not doing alright.
I did have friends but i really felt alone a lot of times , because i really shut my self out of the humanworld :P.
I started to get myself into music.. at that time it was really an obsession.. aka one direction.. how ashamed of it i am today .. it is the truth :P.
People started to comment things like "wooow you are obsessed with that band" or "stop talking about it so much" or "oh noo she is talking about it again".
So i started to keep it inside, not letting it out anymore because people didnt understand that it would help me so much.
I got a boyfriend... He was really nice and sweet, i really liked him. But it became a problem.. because my obsession with 1D , and later it turned out we were really 2 diffrent persons so yeah.. 7 months and he broke up through text..
In the time i had with him i lost my grandma,, that also had a very big impact on my life....
