Dont think .. oh she doesnt care, she does it for attention..
Because in a way i did it for attention but not the bad kind.. i want to show people i am not doing okay, i am not a strong as you all think, i am close to breaking down, i have sat at 2 in the morning with my blades on my wrist about to cut veritcal and so deep that i wont make it to the next day.
People think it is okay to make fun of me.. to laugh at my scars, to think i did this for attention. But deep down it hurts because , they dont know the reason why i did all of these things, why i felt so lonely,
It is not fun to lie to your parents about your scars.. they still think it was my cat .. wel my cat can make some straight ass cuts then.
Whenever i look at my cuts i feel disguisting, i felt like i have failed, like i shouldnt breath again.
They cover my arms upper tighs and hipbones,
i dont like to not wear short sleeved things when its hot outside.. but i dont want people to ask questions about it.
Few weeks ago i went to the beach with one of my best friends. And she saw the scars .. i just told her "long story, i had a dark period fill in the rest". And the best part about that was she didnt ask further. She just said "oh okay".
I am in my recovery it is hard and a struggle ever day.. but i can say now i am clean for a few months.. i havent give up in alone time.. And i am goddamn proud of myself!.
