Infinite, Sometimes

20

Ryan had made the mistake of not looking at the clock before he closed his eyes, but he woke up to see Brendon sitting on the edge of the bed. Brendon's lower back was resting against Ryan's thighs and he was leaning over with his elbows and arms on his lap, rocking back and forth in very small motions. Ryan decided to enjoy this time, deciding to quietly watch his friend who appeared to be deep in thought. It was about a minute before Brendon felt Ryan's eyes tearing into him and he turned to make eye contact, something that was starting to become easier for each of them.

"You fall asleep fast."

"How long was I out?"

"Only about a half hour, I guess. I didn't wanna wake you up right away."

"It's alright. What'd she want?"

"Few bags of trash to take to the garage. Then I had to put the new bags in and do some other stuff, nothing big."

"What's wrong now though?"

"Nothing. Thinking, that's all."

Ryan chuckled and lifted his hand to the Jimmy Eat World poster above his head. "Nice one. Good song, you know."

"Of course."

"Hey." Ryan lowered his arm and reached over to Brendon, taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. "That's better."

"Yeah it is."

"What were you thinking about?"

Brendon shrugged and fell sideways, holding on to Ryan's hand and ensuring that Ryan's arm stayed underneath his body. Ryan didn't disagree, but he adjusted himself to bring his arm up underneath Brendon's neck as he found himself face to face with the back of Brendon's head. All of Brendon's fingers were occupied with Ryan's hand, studying each of his fingers and tickling them gently as Brendon seemed to be on a mission to run his fingers over every bit of skin on Ryan's hand. "I don't know. It was quiet so I just decided to think."

"About what, though?"

"Don't know."

"Of course you do."

"I've just felt really good this week, that's all. I mean, even if it's been pretty shitty a few times... I don't know, for some reason, this past year or so, everything has just been really bad, but this week is the first time anyone has really taken time to notice it..."

"How could anyone not see it?" Ryan brought his face closer to Brendon's head so he could whisper and avoid being too loud, which meant his chest was pressed safely against Brendon's back.

"It's easy for them to see whatever they wanna believe. But you're like me, though. Or at least you were. I guess it's just hard to miss when you're familiar with it."

"Yeah, I know. I guess you just know what to look for sometimes." Ryan was beginning to lose himself in the scent of whatever shampoo Brendon used.

"Ry?"

"Yeah?"

"No one's ever cared about me before."

"Me either."

"But Spencer and Ellen, though..."

"Not like this, Bren."

"Oh, yeah. I guess."

"They care about you too, Brendon."

"Just not like this?"

"Not like this."

"Well I care about you, Ryan."

"I'm glad you do."

"That's what I was thinking about."