Infinite, Sometimes

2

    Ryan inhaled sharply and welcomed the cold air into his worn body. He was hit with a gentle burst of energy and he was able to distract himself from thoughts of the father he was afraid to lose. The houses he passed in the four blocks to the school fit in perfectly with his own. Mostly white, some brown brick, all of them huge. Even though his only had one level as opposed to the two or three that the rest of the houses had, it still fit in and made him feel a little less out of place. Inside, though, he was concerned about the big difference between his home and the rest of the houses on the street. Ryan knew that, from the outside, the house looked normal. He knew that any family with 2.5 beautiful children, the son slightly older than the daughter, could have a perfectly normal and happy existence in that house. The dog could be chasing a tennis ball thrown by a small girl in the back yard, while an ornery boy scaled the tree in order to spy on his annoying little sister. But Ryan also knew better than that. In reality, the amount of suffering those walls held was bordering on unbearable. Ryan had his bedroom, still intact, but the master bedroom sat empty except for a small bed pushed against one wall and some clothing barely populating the closet. The kitchen was lucky to have a phone and a few appliances, and the living room had been left with a television on the floor in front of an old couch. The house was empty and Ryan could not help but to feel empty along with it. When his mom left, she took everything. The kitchen table, family pictures, bookcases, Ryan's sense of security—so much was gone, and he felt like he was left with nothing. His mom only moved across town, afraid of divorce and afraid of going too far. She had fought slightly to take Ryan, but he was old enough to win the small battle and she left him behind with an open invitation to come by or move in whenever he tired of everything. But Ryan would rather find himself immersed in the safety of Spencer's couch than lose all hope of ever having a decent life with his father.

The sun was starting to peak over the top of the school once the building came into view and Ryan could feel it start to warm his skin, but he still had some time left to take in the brisk air. His feet enjoyed the transition from concrete to grass when he decided to cut across the front lawn at the first sight of Spencer curled up under a tree with his girlfriend, Ellen. The girl perked up, grinning enormously as one of her favorite people grew near.

"Don't look too happy to see me now, Ry! How are ya this morning?" Ellen pulled herself off of Spencer and stood up to greet a nervous Ryan with a long hug. "Haven't seen ya in a few days. We tried to call last night to see if you wanted a ride or whatever."

"Sorry. Didn't feel like talking much I guess." He returned Ellen's squeeze and he was fully aware that Spencer didn't mind. He let go of her and pulled out the smile that he had perfected earlier in the morning, although he was honestly happy to be with two people who cared about him as much as Spencer and Ellen did. The girl pulled back the left corner of her mouth in a half smile as if to acknowledge the fabricated expression on her friend's face. "But this morning was good, really. You know how it goes. It was good."

Spencer nodded and extended his hands to Ryan, who was eager to grab them and pull his friend up and against his chest, hugging him tightly in his arms. Spencer reciprocated and Ryan breathed in the scent of his mild cologne. It was a soothing scent that he was used to inhaling for hours on nights that he had to seek safety at the boy's house. Ryan knew that he could be given that cologne in any situation and he would instantly feel secure. It was the scent of Ryan dissolving into the couch with Spencer's arm tightly around his shoulders to assure him that there would be no more yelling or pain for the night. Sometimes it was the scent of curling up on the bed and holding onto Spencer's hand because letting go would make Ryan feel lost. Sometimes it was the scent of Spencer's heart beating into Ryan's ear, but regardless of what it was at times, Ryan always knew what it smelled like to be safe from everything.