T's Hopeline | ✓

11. Dear Diary

I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you do show me some support and maybe vote and comment on this chapter, please? Coming up with an idea for this chapter was extremely difficult and I really hope you enjoy!

11. Dear Diary

Tessa's POV

I finally decide to give up what seemed to be an endless effort to fall asleep and checked the time on my phone "03:09" it said.

"Awesome," I say with the least enthusiastic tone ever. "I guess today insomnia will get the best of me."

After a long stretch, I end up sitting up and look around my room, desperately trying to find something to do but instead I end up staring at the decor.

My bedroom is my comfy spot, where I always feel safe. It's by far my favourite room of the house. It's an average size room and simple maybe a bit "Tumblr" like decor. My bed is queen-size; its headboard is slightly cushioned and completely covered with a soft and grey fabric. I have about 5 or so pillows on it varying from plain white to patterned orange and yellow-blue triangle-like themed, plus a white flurry blanket at the end of my bed which is where my dog tends to sleep and nap every single chance he gets. Above it, I have a little shelf with a fake flower and 2 framed picture quotes that got either from Pinterest or Tumblr. My wardrobe is on the other side of the room and it's nothing close to being spectacular but the best part is that it's built into the wall so it doesn't take up too much space and it's big enough for all my clothes and shenanigans such as shoes and purses. There's also something I call my "hideout"since my window is pretty tall my parents had a bed/sitting space built against its bottom and I decorated it with pillows and blinds to cover it up since there's a wall on both sides of it. Last but not least there's my desk but who really cares? That's where I study and that's not really fun to talk about so...

There were a million reasons why I didn't want to get out of bed. But apparently the universe wasn't going to let me sleep. So I had no other option but to get up and grab my laptop off my desk. I end up sitting in my little hideout, closing the curtains and contemplating my surroundings.

Everything was still, nobody was walking around outside, there were no animals, no wind. It was too still if you ask me, too boring and monotonous. This was fun. If I couldn't sleep then at least I should have something decent and entertaining to do, right?

After about 20 minutes of scrolling through dumb posts in all social media apps and websites I end up giving up. And then I remember something, something I once held dear, my diary.

I open it up, noticing that over two thirds of this book that was my daily life had been written. Yet I haven't written in this for 2 years. A lot, if not almost everything had changed, or at least it felt like it had. It's amazing how something that once was so precious to you can all of the sudden be meaningless although it contains your deepest thoughts, emotions and dreams. It's astonishing how fast something can change, for the worse.

I pick up a random pen that was in my pen holder, the originality of that last item's name still blows my mind, and uncap it in order to let the thoughts go and let myself drift away into the depths of my subconscious.

"Dear Diary,"

I laugh at it, that's introduction that almost everyone has written at least once at the start of their entries. It's most cliché thing to write, yet it sort of feels nice to write it down. That's what has started every entry in this journal and all the others that came before it, in end I believe it's what has made me willing to share everything including the most embarrassing and/or private moment of my day. It was all it took to make my mind flow and let the frustration out. Only the thought of having everything somewhere yet nowhere made it comfortable, made it possible for me to expose myself in such a way that might end up making me a fool. I always had it tucked away but it always felt like it was hidden in plain sight. And after a nice, long and deep breath my journey into my mind continues, now better than ever before.

"It's been a while since James first called the helpline and we've had quite a few conversations, well over 20. I've been enjoying our calls, thought word has gotten around and now people have been calling him my lover boy... My future babe... It's really annoying that my best freaking friend, co-workers and even my B-O-S-S start staring or blowing kisses into the air every time my phone rings... Can't a girl be friends with a person of the opposite gender without people doing things like these? Well yeah sometimes it doesn't quite work but... Okay, who am I kidding...? Just about every guy that I once was my "best friend", or the closest thing I had to that, has ended up liking me and so far only Alec and me worked out... For a while I mean, we had to break up when he went to university a few states away, we didn't want to be hurting for long periods of time because of the distance... There I go again, fooling myself, things weren't perfect between us. They hadn't been in a long time, not since the thought of him cheating popped up into my head and needless to say it did have some arguments that made it possible, that made it not be such an awful nightmare but instead a harsh reality.

Anyway... I think James and I have made some progress lately, baby-steps but still! Ever since he told me why he got depressed and started thinking about killing himself, he's been more open and I can tell, sometimes, that he isn't as sad as he used to be, he's somewhat happy every once in a while, especially when we're talking about something he's passionate about, like football. He doesn't play anymore but he loves it, he's still a fan though he doesn't even go watch the games anymore... He says they bring back too many memories and it's a little overwhelming for him. I believe that deep down he's a typical teen, he shouldn't let that "event" define him for the rest of his life instead he should use it as strength.

Moving on... Chels and I were in Chemistry class today and we did a cool experiment involving sulphur while the other drooled over Hotty, as usual... After going to the bathroom to respond to her boyfriend's text (it might have been more along the lines of a sext), Chelsea returns and reveals she found the school skank under the stairs making out with some random guy. The poor bastard doesn't know the kind of STD's he's get himself into. QUITE LITERALLY!"

Is it weird to laugh at a piece of writing, in a non-mocking way of course, seriously is it? Well that's the last thing I did before I fell asleep, this time for good.

{AN}

Let me know what you thought! Were you disappointed that you didn't find out what Chelsea saw through Tessa's point of view (POV)? Did you enjoy this diary page?

I hope you write a chapter (eventually) where______________.

&

My favourite song is _______________.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you and knowing your answers to these silly little questions ;)

{Edited on the 2nd of August}