T's Hopeline | ✓

27. Tutus & Four-fours

Don't miss the author's note at the end!

Tessa’s Point of View

After receiving your final results life seems to go at a much more pleasant and slow pace. You neglect to worry about anything too much, unless you’re highly sensitive, like I am.

Despite the stress of getting into college or the college in the major you want still existing, the worrying had vanished, for the most part. Most of the work, all twelve or so years of preparation to get in had been completed and by now, your position was like in the fashion industry, you were either in or you’re out. Very little could be done to significantly improve and change the future these past decade has set for you.

The choices you made are, well... done, chosen. You can’t take them back, nothing about your past can be taken back. All you have to do is keep moving forward and not give up nor give in. Achieving goals can be done in more than one way but it won’t make it easy but less effortlessly.

Lately, I had spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions and choices. It was time well spent because I was getting to know myself, in a way. Our past choices don’t have to define us but, in certain and unavoidable ways, they do.

I learnt to, in part, take advantage of them and be proud, be proud of my decisions and their results.

Sometimes I felt lonely, others dumb, selfish, too ambitious, highly sensitive as if it was a bad thing or held the negative reputation society had branded on the term. I’m glad of my journey yet people still didn’t understand some of it, they neglected to put in the work to do so, so they chose the alternative. Making fun of them, mocking them, in a less sugar-coated way, and criticizing them.

I never understood why some people like being jokesters if they aren’t even funny nor cut out of the job. A fake, practiced and rehearsed joke or story is... is too  much, too fake most times.

We, the students of my high school, decided to schedule a senior dinner to celebrate graduating and the prospect of university.

Little did I know that Richard, the funny-guy of the bunch, would think it was funny to so-called roast people and fixate on me.

It was definitely a bad choice to go for a venue with a microphone and a home theatre set that spread the sound like wildfire.

It, of course, didn’t take long for him to blurt out my job and what it was. Well, what he shared with everyone in the room was society’s version of my job. I had basically been assigned James, which is sort of a bad thing but I didn’t care. Getting a paycheck to talk to a friend, someone who’d talk to regardless of how much money went into your pocket?

Truth be told, I did feel back at times because of this little fact but with all of the exams, Melissa had kicked us out without taking our paychecks away so… Morally speaking it’s wrong, either way I’m going to quit soon and I’m not going to forget James nor stop talking to him because of my employment situation.

It was beyond that, a job, an obligation. It’s an actual friendship, the one reason I was extremely happy and proud of the decision that went into applying for my position. And it definitely made all the nasty and awful things I heard and had to deal with because of some callers.

Getting back to the topic, there I was, sitting next to a laughing Chelsea, with my cheeks the colour of lobster and my face hidden by my hand. I was embarrassed, not of my job but of this situation, of the fact that everyone was laughing and actually thought too high of themselves to admit it was noble and showed great character and strength.