Own Me

Hurracaine

It's 3am and I can't stop looking at the clock. I'm anxious, nervous. I thought I'll never make it. I thought I'll give up half way there. But no. Here I am, just a few hours away from making history amoung my family.

I'm graduating from college and I feel stupid for being so self conscious about it.

My mom is delirious. She's talking about it to all the women in our neighborhood. About how her daughter is becoming a professional at such young age. My mother is more excited about this than I am. Mostly because she, as myself, thought I wouldn't make it and reduce myself to be the wife of some partly important man like herself but I just couldn't. I adore my mother more than anything, but she's everything I don't want to be.

At 4:56am I fell asleep until after what felt like 5 minutes, my mom and my sister burst into my room being loud and cringy as they always are when something big happens. The main reason I don't  get too well with my family its because I can't share the feeling of being excited about every single thing.

"Wake up little Flecha! It's graduation day!" My mom was being loud and cheesy. A deadly combination especially when I just woke up after sleeping for little time. The anger in my face made her realized she had to calm down.

"I'm sorry I woke you up like that honey, its just that I'm so excited for you!" The happiness in her voice was too much to even try to hide it.

"It's okay mom. Its just that I haven't sleep much" I answered trying to smile to her, which is hard because I don't like smiling.

"Oh honey, I was hoping we could get some things to help you out!"

"I'm sorry mom, I'll just drink some coffee"

"No, no honey. It's your day, stay and sleep you need it"

"Thank you mom"

"It's okay little Flecha" she knows how much I hate to be called like that so I know right away that she did it for revenge but I'm okay with it because she was considerate enough to let me sleep. And I'm grateful for it.

I woke up at 12:34pm. I could hear my mom downstairs moving around things and I knew she was cooking. My mom is so loud when it comes to cooking. I got up and walked past the mirror and looked at myself. After a couple seconds I felt stupid and walked away. No matter how much I try, I can never like what I see so I rather look away.  I walked to the kitchen and found that my best friend was there. Her hair was in a fancy bun and she looked beautiful. If only I could look like that.

"What's this about?" I said looking at both of them

"I'm going with you, stupid" Habichuelas Goya said smiling enough for all her teeth to show. I could tell she was as happy as my mom.

"I thought you wouldn't want to come"

"Well, I can't miss my best friend's early graduation for all the tea in China" she was laughing at how stupid that was. And I was too because it was pretty damn stupid.

I rolled my eyes to the word early. "Could you guys stop making such a big deal about it? Its just 2 years"

"Yeah, the half of what it takes" my dad walked in to hug me. He kissed me on the forehead before going to my mom to do the same. He waved at Habichuelas Goya.

"It's not really a big deal, I don't deserve such recognition"

"You deserve every single piece of it" my mom said before going to the living room. She came back with a black long sleeved dress with little white designs. It was beautiful.

"Mom, you shouldn't have..."

"Nonsense! This is perfect for you" she hugged me tight and then dragged me into the living room. Which she and Habichuelas Goya messed up with shoes, make up, nail polisher and hair devices.