The door suddenly bursted open, breaking off the hinges. Cameron had knocked down the door to get to me, but I stood perfectly still the blade still an inch away from my skin.
He stared at me, and I could see the deep sadness in his eyes, yet I didn't feel anything. Absolutely nothing.
"Mack.. Don't do this, please." He begged his voice cracking. He reached out to grab the blade from me, but I yanked away.
"Don't touch me." I growled. I didn't want him to have any part in this. I didn't want to touch him, I didn't want to break him again.
"Mack, please don't do this to yourself, to me.. You're my everything. You're all I have left, that I know I can count on. You are my best friend, and I am begging you, please don't do this." I felt his words run through my heart. They healed me momentarily, until the rush of pain flooded back through.
"You don't understand." I said through sobs. "I ruin everything I touch. Everything."
Cameron inched his way closer to me, but this time I stood frozen. The blade, was still an inch away from my skin, and Cameron still careful outstretched his arms.
"You didn't break me, Mack, you fixed me. You pieced me back together, when no one else would." He trembled with each step he took, as if one more step would send me over the edge. I took interest into what he was saying, and I eyed him, as if to say 'speak more.'
"When I got sent away by mom, you did your best to keep me here, and when I came back, you made me happy again. When I lost my first baby, you picked me up from the side of the road. When I thought I had lost you, forever because I was stupid, and I let Alex become yours, you loved me through that. You did all of that Mackenzie. No one else." Tears streamed down his face now, and I realized the blade was no longer near my skin, but by my side.
"You saved me, Mackenzie. You did." He repeated. The words echoed through my head, like a song on repeat. I looked at him, then glanced down at the blade in my hand. This wasn't what I wanted. Not at all. I just wanted to be happy again. I just wanted things to go back to the way they used to be when there were no problems, and I had no worries, but I couldn't. What I could do, was put the blade down, and let him in. Let him do his job to protect me from the demons inside of my own head, or atleast let him help me fight them off.
"I did?" I asked in disbelief still recollecting what he had said into my thoughts. I just needed to hear his confirmation.
"Yes, you did." Cameron reached out a little farther and grabbed me, causing me to drop the blade. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and let myself go.
Alex had appeared, eyeing the door, confused as to what had happened. Cameron nodded his questioning off. "Is everything okay?" He asked, reassuringly.
"Yeah, everything is fine." Cameron replied, rubbing my back. He carried me to our bed, and laid down, pulling me close to him, and for a long time we laid in the silence that we had come to enjoy and love.
"We're you really going to do it?" Cameron asked through the dead darkness, and silence. I asked myself the question over and over again.
Would I have done it? Maybe, had something else pushed me over the edge. Maybe, had Cameron not busted the door down in time, but I didn't. I had time to, the problem was my own hesitation. Hesitation is what stopped me, what kept me from pushing one step further.
"No I couldn't have." I said quietly. "I could never do that to you."
"Then why even attempt it?" I could hear the hurt in his voice, and as badly as I wanted to end the conversation, I knew he only wanted to make himself feel better by talking about it.
"Because, I felt like I had no other way out." I whispered. I felt his arms tense around me, comforting me.
"I will always be here. I will always be your way out, understand? Let me be your escape. You need a way out, you find me, and we'll figure it out together okay?" His voice sounded urgent. He had to hear me agree to calm himself. I knew Cameron all too well, and these conversations happened often. I thought of his proposal, of him being my escape, but one question arose in my head?
How do you save someone who is steadily drowning? Or constantly on fire? How do you? How do you save someone, that can't be saved from their own thoughts?
But I didn't say that. Instead, I said ,"okay.", because that's what we do. We don't harp on ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We push through the pain, when someone else means that much to us. We manage. Although sometimes managing gets us killed.
Cameron kissed my cheek softly, leaving the impression of him upon my skin. I found his hand, and interlaced mine with his. Nothing mattered to me, as long as I could make sure he would be okay. I could be shattered into a million pieces, but I would ask him if he was alright first. He squeezed my hand tightly, and I squeezed back.
"I'm sorry that I did that." I said trying to comfort him more with my words. I felt him ease up a bit, and I nuzzled a little closer.
"It's alright. We all fight something. I fight demons too, just not the ones in your head." He chuckled.
I felt myself smiling at his ridiculous joke. Even though it was funny, it was true.
I thought about my attempt earlier and how selfish it had been. Every night Cameron and Alex would give their lives to protect people from the real monsters in the world, while I fought my own monsters inside of my head, yet I complained more than they did. I was selfish. Very.
How awful to think that I could be fighting real monsters instead of my imaginary ones. But then I realized, my monsters were just as real and lethal, as the ones Cameron killed. The only difference was Cameron's monsters and demons could be killed, mine on the other hand, were almost impossible to get rid of.
•••
a/N : HI! Okay sorry for not updating!! Sometimes when I update too much my chapters get crappy so I have to take a break! I know it's short but I hope you guys like it!! Much love always.
Xoxo
YOU ARE READING
• My Best Friend's Brother : His Secret • { Cameron Dallas }
Fanfiction"Mackenzie, since you know now, there's something else you need to know..."
