I sit in the car and replay our fight in my head. I can’t seem to stop the tears from running down my cheeks. Oh God, what happened? A few hours ago I was so sure about him and now I’m in doubt about everything his ever said to me.
“Where will we be going Mrs. Winchester?” John asks.
“I don’t know, just drive, please.”
“Okay.”
John pulls out of the parking lot, I stare out the window. It’s so dark out, I see people all hyped up and heading out. We drive around and around. I become oblivious to everything happening outside, the fight replays in my head again and all over again. I’ve never been so scared of him before. I wipe my tears away and it hurts, everything hurts. I inhale and exhale as I try to gather myself together but I can’t. Who do I run to? Where do I go? I can’t run to him anymore and he has been the only person I’ve ever ran to. I can’t go to a hotel because then everything will be in the media. “Married too young or too impulsively”. I stare at my wedding band. It’s all over so why do I care anyway? Why can’t I just hate him? Why do I love a man that has done this to me? Why don’t I hate him?
“Take me to Ms. Dixon please.” I murmur as I shut my eyes.
“Yes, Mrs. Winchester.” John replies.
The SUV stops and I peel my eyes open. I get out and slowly walk towards the door of Asheeka and Corina’s home. They lives in Queens and Damon hates me being here any time of the day as if it’s as bad as the Bronx and Brooklyn. I breathe, trying to build up the courage I need to face Asheeka. I gently knock on the door and wait for a response but nothing. I look back at the car. John is watching me like a hawk. I fight my tears back and knock again, harder this time. I hear footsteps walk toward the door. I look down at my feet. The door opens but I can’t bear to look up. What are they going to say when they see me? I fight my tears back as I look up.
“What happened?” Corina asks.
“Who is at the door?” Asheeka asks as she walks toward us. She inhales and covers her mouth with her right hand as she sees me.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course, please come in, where are my manners?” Corina replies.
I walk into their tiny home compared to my mansion of a loft. I wonder into the lounge. I take a seat on the couch below the window. I gaze over to Asheeka and Corina that seem to be having an argument of some sort. I can see they don’t want to approach me, because none of them know what to say. They head in the direction of the kitchen, I hope they getting wine. I stare straight into the plasma TV and see my reflection. I place my hands all over my face, gosh, what has he done to me? I look like a mess. My eyes move across the room, it’s shaded a light yellow, the dark floors compliments the walls pretty well. The two couches are white and are made of fabric and in the middle of the room is an oak coffee table and purple tulips. Tulips are my favourite flower. I gaze at the flowers losing myself in thought. I hear them outside the room again. I shift my head down, running my fingers into my hair. I slowly breathe as I lose every bit of control I might have has moments ago. Tears start rolling down my face and I wipe them away but it hurts, everything hurts.
“It’s all going to be okay sweetie.” I hear Asheeka say, as she wraps me in a blanket.
I look up and see Corina opening a bottle of red and pouring it into three wine glasses. Asheeka places her hand onto my back and gently starts rubbing in a circular motion. She moves down my back.
“Please stop Asheeka.”
“What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing.” I murmur.
She doesn’t stop rubbing, I don’t think she understands what I mean. She applies more pressure.
“Ah…” I cry out.
“What did I do?”
“Please just don’t touch me.”
“What happened?” I hear the raw emotion in her voice.
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Yes…” she trails off, I can feel she is crying next to me.
“Don’t…”
“I’m sorry, I’ve never seen you like this before.”
Corina hands Asheeka a glass and I watch as her hands tremble. Corina hands me a glass and I shoot it down. She hands me her glass and I do the same. Truth is she can give me an entire bottle and I will do the same. We sit in silence as Asheeka starts to gather herself. I can tell me not talking about what happened is making Corina agitated.
“Are you going to tell us what happened?” Corina asks.
“She will tell us when she is ready.”
“I just can’t believe Damon would hit her.”
“What do you believe Corina? Do you think I did this to myself? And that, I would come here instead of going home to the one person I thought would always protect me? You always telling me to see him for what he is, now why can’t you?!”
“I’m sorry. I just never thought he would hurt you, not physically.”
“Neither did I…” tears start rolling down my face.
“Its okay, you can make it through anything. You made it through so many things already, you the bravest person I know.”
“Thanks Eeka, I needed it.”
“You haven’t called me that in a while, Nes.”
“We should call Corina, Ina.”
“What? I’m totally lost now.”
“It’s a trip down memory lane. Agnes came up with it, a long, long time ago.”
“It wasn’t that long ago!”
“Are you going to tell me the story or what?”
“So, we were in the twelfth grade and it was just after break and we were headed to our Life Orientation period and we were waiting on the balcony for the educator, who was completely off her rocks and someone did something gross and I was like Eeka and Asheeka looked at me and I was like, I got a new nickname for you, it’s Eeka from now. Then I made it a trend by calling all our friends by the last three of their names. I became Nes and so on.”
“Remember how Neriman became Man?”
“Yeah, she had such a fit and I remember my sister saying, she looks like one.”
“Wow, whenever the two of you reminisce, I wish I was a part of that, growing up with friends who care about you.”
“It was fun but we fought a lot and at times we would just want to kill each other, well not us, we wanted to kill our friends for being so weird!”
“Especially Neriman, she would annoy everyone and fight over stupid topics that she was completely wrong about!”
“I miss her though. I miss our old life, when we were marriage free and happy, when we were actually near our family and not just each other.”
“I miss it too, but honestly, life turned out better than both of us expected. We had no vision and then suddenly we were here and we had a short term plan and that turned into our lives. I know right now, you hate him but I know you and I know you wouldn’t change a single thing about your journey to this point, our journey.”
“I know, but he scares me, I thought he was going to kill me…” tears start running down my cheeks yet again.
“You brave and you can make it through anything.”
“I thought he was going to kill me, it felt like he was going to kill me and yet I keep making up reasons as to why he did it, I can’t believe he did this to me.”
“I know sweetie, but now you have to accept what happened, happened because he couldn’t control his temper, which is quite hard to believe because it has never happened before with you.” Corina says.
“What do you mean with me?”
“He was known for losing his cool, when we were younger, he used to get in fights, he even did a few underground fights.”
“That’s different when boys are adulterants’ they always have a bit of a temper and you know how controlling his parents are, you can’t compare fights from 10 years ago to him..." I shut my eyes, I hold back my tears.
“Compare it to what?”
“Beating Me...” I pause.
“Let’s talk about something else.” Asheeka says.
“I’m sorry but I just don’t understand any of this! You completely right, he would never have hurt you like this, yet he did and even if you deny it, you know he used to hurt Mandy too.”
“I don’t get you Corina, one moment you bad mouthing him and the next you defending him, what is up with that?”
“He doesn’t want to make you cry, yet he beat you. I find it hard to believe and you don’t even want to tell us what happened. I am confused and I know I shouldn’t be defending him but these things don’t add up.”
“You know what Corina, fuck you. You want to defend him, then defend him but we done. I can’t be friends with someone that defends a man that almost killed me, especially because you were the one warning him about me. You convinced me he was cheating and I wanted to deny it and when I found the proof… He did this to me and you decide to change your view on him. I’m going to a hotel because I don’t want to be somewhere I’m not wanted. I thought this would be the best place for me since I woke up in a damn hospital room before I came here, but honestly seeing you just made things worse.”
“No, Corina will leave.”
“It’s her home, not mine.”
“Well, she can move out.”
“What? Are you seriously throwing me out?”
“Look at her! Why are you defending him? How can you possibly blame her, after you warned her about him, just a few hours ago! What is going on with you? It’s been us against the world for the past 5 years and now you pick his side. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m sorry okay. I just have a different way of processing all of this!”
“I think, we need sleep and them tomorrow, well, its 1am already so later, we will talk it out.”
“Okay.” They agree.
“I need sleep.” I mumble
“The guest bedroom is waiting.” Asheeka smiles at me but I can still see the worry in her eyes.
