life before mad // r.s.l au

17 : numb

I swung my legs over, touching the cold ground as I made my way to the door, heading for the bathroom. There I locked myself in, and opened the medicine cabinet. With no hesitation, I reached for and unscrewed the cap of my antidepressants. I poured the pills into the toilet and flushed them away, throwing the container into the bin.

As the sound of the toilet droned in the background, I leaned on the sink with my eyes closed.

After a sudden realisation that my future in football was perhaps over, an uncontrollable anger took over me. I felt the need to see bloodshed and would do anything to do so. This wrath was dialled down to simply feeling numb when I took my antidepressants, and whilst I was aware of this it only led to heightening my irritation. They had to go.

My phone began to ring. "What?"

"Be ready in 10 minutes. We have things to get on with." Casper barked. "Matt will be there soon."

"Tell him to go alone, I can't do today."

"Hmmph," was all he was capable to produce, and not long after the line went dead. I placed the phone in my back pocket and leaned forward to wash my face, perhaps to calm the anxiety bubbling inside of me for no apparent reason.

The doorbell rang. And I shot up, eyeing myself in the mirror as the sound of voices was now audible.

"Ross?"

"Yeah?"

"Come downstairs, please?" Mom spoke softly. She had her kind voice on, perhaps because Craig had decided to drop by and pay for dinner tonight.

I walked downstairs, now face to face with two police officers sat on our sofa. My brothers and sister lined behind me. I entered the living room.

"Ross only," she muttered at them and they disappeared but it was clear they were listening from the next room. "Would you like a drink? Tea, or coffee?"

The two opted for tea, and Mom ventured to the kitchen.

"Sit down, son, nothing big." The taller, dark officer spoke. The other took notes. "I'm not sure if you heard but, the businessman Thomas Lancaster was found dead in his back yard recently. Are you aware of this?"

"No, I don't know him." I said.

"Are you sure ab- thank you ma'am." He took his tea, and sipped, allowing tension to grow in the room. Craig looked to me, but I didn't move. "Are you sure about that? Because one of your acquaintances told us you may perhaps know him; in fact he said you spoke to him the night he was killed."

"Who said that? I don't know that man."

"What man?" Mom chimed. Craig filled her in and she gasped. "Tommy! I just can't believe it...he was best friends with your Dad."

"And where abouts is Mr Lynch?"

"He left." I snapped.

The officer looked slightly taken aback. "I'm sorry to bring back such memories, son."

"It's okay, but who said that?"

The officer sipped his tea, and casually said, "Casper."

I blinked. "He said you would recognise him by first name alone-"

"Yes I know him."

"Who is he, Ross?" Mom asked.

"Dad of a friend." I replied.

"Didn't he die the day you came back from that job you had with a friend?"

"Indeed. That's why Casper may have assumed that I spoke to him, we were taking scaffolding down from the extension at his house and he made small talk with us. He seemed fine." I lied so easily I was scaring myself. "He then paid us and we went on our way. Then I met with my friend Matt and we hung out."

"Just what did you do?" The scribe piped up.

"We just hung out, nothing much."

"Are you sure about this, Ross?" The previous officer asked.

"Are you accusing me of killing this man?!-"

"Calm down-"

"Don't touch me." I pushed Craig's hand away. "I didn't kill that man. Out of all people, why would I?"

"We know you didn't; you're an exemplary student with a spectacular football career ahead. We know it wasn't you." He looked at his colleague. "We're trying to get details; did Mr Lancaster seem drugged?"

"He looked impulsive-"

The small phone resting on his leg buzzed. He eyed it and then showed the one writing. The two stood. "There is a new lead, thank you for your time and apologies for bothering you."

"Of course not, I'll show you out." Mom stood and the three filed out.

Moments after I was left alone in the living room, my phone vibrated. A single text, a string of words were enough to send shivers down my spine.

Don't ever say no to me again.
- Casper