life before mad // r.s.l au

19 : casual affair

"no matter where you are meeting strangers, be careful if they are too friendly."

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough, maybe it was just that. Or maybe I really was, in fact, losing my mind.

I lost track of days; however long I was kept in the children's ward after my outburst. It worried me that people had begun to see me as violent and impulsive but at the same time, I couldn't care one bit.
The worst part was not being able to see those who matter the most to me - my friends and my girlfriend. The only person allowed to 'visit' was Mom, and as kind of her as it was, she just looked down and really didn't help me at all.

One week later (apparently), I was released. Dr Keating left me at the reception at 7pm, and told me Mom was coming to pick me up. By the time 8:15pm struck, I stood up and walked out, silently.

With my hands in my pockets, I walked senselessly, trying to see how far I could walk until my legs ached and my mind finally reached some kind of peace. I thought back to last summer - how I was invincible and was doing everything right.
Now here I was, without a scholarship (most likely), and taking long strides towards insanity.

No wonder Mom didn't show up.

I had enough by 11, and by then I had found myself in the outskirts of town, minutes from the desert. Only then did I feel my muscles begging me for a rest, and to my luck I came across a small bar, partially alive with some customers.

It was dark and rustic, with country music quietly droning in the background. Some ate, some watched TV and others played darts or cards. I sat at the counter, burying my head in my hands.

"Hi, Sir. How may I help?" Any kind of joy evaporated from her face the moment we locked eyes. She leaned on the counter, releasing a dry snicker as her blonde hair fell forward. "Fancy seeing you here?"

"Why are you here?" I snapped back.

"I work here, Ross. And I thought you were in hospital." Abbie shrugged. "What? Gossip gets around."

"I was. Now I'm here and I want a glass of the strongest thing you have, please."

"You're 17."

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough," I pursed my lips. "I want a glass of the strongest thing you have, please."

She scoffed, and turned on her heels towards the beverages behind her. Skilfully, she collected other glasses and took other orders all without letting my drink go over the brim. She placed the glass before me, and I paid her.

As I threw my head back to drink, the beverage burned my throat on its way down. "Is this something used to do shots?!"

"Usually. You asked for the strongest." She smiled innocently, the freckles dotting her cheeks adding to the act. But she was far from that - I would know. "So, harsh night with Skye or what? Did you argue over what colours you're gonna wear to spring formal or something?"

"No, I'm just - why do you care? You cheated on me so don't pretend like I matter to you."

"It wasn't like that-"

I laughed. "What? You slipped and fell on his-"

"No." She glared daggers at me. "He pressured me into it. Threatening that if I didn't do it willingly, he would force himself on me. Tommy isn't a nice guy, you know."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have sorted him out; maybe if you had we'd still be together." I said.

"But do you really want to give up Skye, basically the nicest person in school for the screw up over here?" She smiled sadly. "I'll be right back, I just have to finish my shift."

During the time she was gone, Mom called. I hushed her by saying Carter came and picked me up when she didn't show up. She took it.

Abbie returned, this time without the apron and with her usual denim jacket. She grabbed herself a drink and a second glass for me. "I envy her. She's lovely, loved and seems to be great. Plus she has a body to die for."

"Do you only envy her? Because I sense something else." I winked.

"I swing both ways." She replied casually, sipping on her beer. A giggle came from her. "If my boss catches two underage kids drinking he's going to be so pissed."

"He can take that L for himself." I shrugged, and in the split second of silence I heard the tune that had come on. "Remember this song! This is our song!"

Abbie stared for a second, then smiled. "Ah yes - CRAWLING BACK TO YOU!"

Not even I was ready for how loud she screamed. I giggled, joining in the drunken sing-along.

It was the usual. She was an über-lightweight. I watched, giggling away as she lamely threw her arms around, 'dancing'. Not long after she rested her head on my shoulder. "Who doesn't love Arctic Monkeys?"

I felt myself slurring already. "I don't know, who doesn't?"

She looked up, her face now close enough for me to see the faint ring of blue around the edge of her irises. "I don't know," she breathed.

I regret everything that came after that moment to this day.

***

Her face was partially lit up by the flame lighting her cigarette. She pointed it in my direction and I took it. I've majorly fucked up anyway - this won't do any harm. I took a long drag and exhaled. "This was a mistake."

"It was but it wasn't," Abbie said. "It brought me closure, if you ask me."

I sat up on the bed. "You don't realise what I've just done, but I just completely went back on myself. I swore I would never cheat yet here I am."

"You're drunk."

"That's no excuse," I felt her lean on me. "I have to go."

"Wow, hump and dump to the extreme." Abbie laid back down as I got myself dressed. "Good luck, Ross."

"Oh I'll need it." I replied on my way out. It was 2am by the time I made it back to town, and darkness had consumed the town. I walked briskly to get home, making up stories to tell Mom when she asked why I walked in overnight from Carter's.

When I was stopped. "Hey!" I continued to walk. "Hey, you!"

Three men, perhaps two inches taller than me called me out. I stopped. "Yeah?"

"Nothing, just wanna ask some questions," the one in the middle talked. The other two stared. "So you know this guy, Casper, right?"

"Yes. What about him?"

"Do you work for him?"

"Depends what you consider work."

He smirked. "Smart boy. I mean delivering drugs, collecting the cash..the fun stuff."

"I do, why does it concern you?" I asked.

There was an off beat, in which they exchanged glances. The one in the middle swung first, and I was so weak and out of it that I just collapsed, accepting the punches and kicks until I was out.