| C H A P T E R : T W O |
My alarm clock started buzzing like crazy in the middle of a good dream, which sadly ended, and will never happen again. I slowly sit up and look at my digital clock which read 7:30 a.m.
While I’m still tired, I grab my things and start heading to the shower. Today is Friday, I thought. Everyone who's been to my friend Zachary's house for a party of a lifetime knows what that means. This would be the first time I ever felt like missing out. I knew it would be the same thing all over again; getting drunk, waking up the next day to a girl half-naked next to me in bed. The thing was that everyone who went had their own selfish ambitions as to why they went. It was either to go smoke pot, get a girl to sleep with them, get drunk, and do other dumb shit that they will all regret at the end. I never look forward to doing anything, getting that rush of excitement, just doing something bad makes me feel so alive. But after all was said in done, It's starts to weigh down on me like a ton of bricks making me depressed all those years of wasting my high school years away.
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I walked into school not making any eye contact, keeping my head low and walking straight towards my locker. I can see Zachary from my peripheral vision coming up from the side of me and slamming my locker shut, right after I grabbed my history book, only inches away from getting my fingers caught in between. I gave him a long furious look keeping my eyes locked on his before he could say anything.
"Psh, dude chill out." He said, like it wasn't a big deal.
"So for tonight’s party ..." He said giving me the stare, which I would get all the time when he wanted to know who I was sleeping with tonight.
"Look ..." I said through my teeth furiously and clinching my fist, nearly spitting out the word.
"Dude chill, I got this one." He said searching for any girls around.
"I'm not going." I said, and walked off.
"Hey, hey, hey what do you mean? Man, come on, it's not possible that you did every girl here, I mean.... Oh! How about that girl who has been bothering you about going to church with her? What's her name....? Oh! Kaysly! Right?" He says in a devious way.
"Stop! Don't you ever mention her name; she isn't the like those promiscuous girls, that just throws themselves on to us!" I spat out in a low whisper.
“Then why the hell are you hanging out with her? She's religious, she's not going to want to lose her virginity easy man.... but she does have a tight as--"
“Dude it's done! I'm not going, plain and simple!" I say nearly wanting to rip his throat out. I walk away from him, this time walking into my first period, which I'm glad I don't have with him. These last three months have been really long I honestly can't believe that use to be me back then. Only thinking of girls as my entertainment and having no self-control over my desires for them. This reminds me of Kaysly how she is so pure and smart enough to do the right thing, and stay strong, she didn't do it on her own though. There is a God? That has keeping her heart and mind constant on doing the right thing. This just makes me upset that I've wasted the past completely ... but this God? Whose love is so powerful that he's forgiven me, even when I haven't forgiven myself?
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I watched this video that Kaysly sent to my email last night of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. How he was beaten and crucified on the cross for our sins. God loved us because he gave his only son to die for are sins. His son Jesus loves us because he was strong enough to go through that all and rise from the dead the third day. She further explained. I could imagine myself persuading to be a Christian, it's hard because I can't get over my past, and I mean who could? The people around me, my friends, ex-girlfriends, and classmates don't make it any easier for me. They know how I am ... was ... the old me, the person that they think still exists today. The only person on my mind now is Kaysly, just hearing her words of motivation and inspiration can make someone whole again.... I'm hollow inside.
