Is It Not

Chapter 14

It's around 10pm on  Saturday, and I decide to clean my room. I have no clue what possesses me to do so considering my room is already pretty clean, but I decide to anyway.

One of Alex's old friends, from high school, came into town today who he hasn't seen in ages, and I practically had to persuade him to spend the day with him without me.

His friend was fine with me hanging out with them but that wouldn't be fair, so I politely declined and have been cleaning my house ever since.

It was terribly messy and if I didn't clean it, my dad surely wouldn't.

Now with the house being sparkly clean, I return to my room painstakingly aware of how dreadfully silent it is.

My dad is not home, and I can only guess where he could be.

I have music playing in the background with the slow soothing rhythms echoing off my walls.

I grab one of my books off my desk that had fallen out and open it up. Something slips out, and I'm certain it wasn't there when I was younger. 

Upon closer inspection I realize it's an old Polaroid picture of me holding one of my old stuffed animals I was inseparable with.

I know my mom took the picture because she used to love taking Polaroid pictures. I pick up the piece of paper that also fell out and open it up.

I immediately recognize it as my mom's handwriting. After she died I spent months rereading everything she ever wrote or picture she ever took.

My dearest Charlotte,

My darling, my days with you are growing few, and I can never be more sorry for being so selfish in letting this disease win.

Please know it was never my intention to leave you. I would do anything to watch you grow up.

There's no telling when you'll see this letter, but my guess is when you want to avoid reality and allow nostalgia to help do so.

I know this was always your favorite book when you were younger, if having me read it to you almost every night is any tell tale sign, so I know you'll open it sooner or later.

Whether that be years after I'm gone or in a few days, when you finally read this I want you to know I'm there with you regardless of what you may think.

If there is one thing I want to leave with you before I'm gone, I want to remind you how crucial time is.

Time passes faster than anyone realizes. It is the one thing I want you to absolutely never take for granted.

You're going to grow up in the blink of an eye, you're already so big.

When you encounter heartbreaks remember time moves on as will your feelings.

Do not reminisce in the past too long because you will miss the present. Enjoy each moment for what it is and not what it could have been.

Please never lose the fire in your eyes you've always held.

Time will try and dull the flame, and if this is the case, find someone who makes you feel like you're burning in the best way.

Love you dearly,
Mom

Thinking of my mom no longer makes me sad, it almost comforts me.

As I reread over the letter again, I hear the door slam. Footsteps thump coming up the stairs, and I quickly push everything under my bed as my door flings opens.