Self-Conscious

chap·ter 1

Laila

When I wake up in the morning

Mama all up in my room

Like can I get 5 more minutes

I ain't really tripping over scho-

My alarm blasted throughout my room waking me up from my deep slumber. A soft groan escaped my mouth as I pulled the cover off of my head and got up from my bed. I allowed the music to play for a while until the chorus finished, mostly because it was really catchy and I enjoyed it.

Making my bed up I gathered my undergarments from my dresser draw I made my way to the bathroom. It was 4:30 in the morning but this was the only time that I can get into the bathroom.

You see in my household it's my mother, sister, two brothers, my mother's on and off boyfriend and then me. Out of all of my mother's children I was the last one she had, which makes me the youngest. Reece the oldest is 23, Melody the second oldest is 21, Malachi the third oldest is 18, and then there's me who's 17.

As you can see the house is full and if you wake up any later than 5, your morning is going to be hectic. I rather avoid all that and I made the decision to just wake up early.

I made me way into the bathroom and started the shower after I started to strip out of my pajamas. I then proceeded to get into the shower and wash my body. I did my normal regular routine and by 5:15 I was out the bathroom and back into my room.

My wardrobe didn't consist of much besides sweats and hoodies. I felt more comfortable in that plus personally I felt that's all my weight allowed me to wear.

I threw on a pair of dark gray sweats, my black hoodie and my all white adidas. I then grabbed my phone and backpack and left my room.

By now the house was in full action people yelling and fighting for the bathroom cause they had to get ready for their day. Me, I was already ready and was about to fix me a bowl of cereal or maybe 2 bowls of cereals depending on how long Malachi took to get ready.

We attended the same school, so he just drove me to school. He stayed for basketball practice though so I ended up just coming home by myself. He stayed telling me that I should just wait for him to finish his practice and just sit in the bleachers of the gym. I would but considering the cheerleaders and the rest of the basketball team would be there I passed.

You see Malachi might be my brother and the 'popular' kid in school but I'm the opposite. I'm the fat girl in the school that nobody seems to let me live down. Every chance they get the remind me of my weight. Not in front of him. They just say it to me when he isn't around which is most of the damn day since he's a senior and I'm just a junior. Yet when around him they make him think that everyone all cool and shit when we all know that's bullshit.

Yeah I thought about telling him but I know my brother. He'll blow shit way out of proportion. He's all cool until you manage to piss him off. I don't want him getting in any trouble because of me. He's heading in the right path. Colleges lined up to recruit him for his basketball skills and scholarships waiting for him at the door. All that can go away just from the simplest thing and I'm not about to be responsible for it. So I keep my mouth shut and just try to block it out. It's my problem I'll just have to deal with it. Should of never been this got damn big anyway.

Going on my second bowl of frosting flakes, Malachi finally walked down the stairs typing away on his phone damn near tripping over the last 3 steps.

Clumsy ass.

"You ready to go chubz?" He asked me as he grabbed the spoon from my hand and helped himself to finishing off the rest of my cereal.

I nodded my head and then followed him outside of the house and to his car getting into the passenger side.

My siblings have been calling me "chubz" for basically all my life because I've always been the little big girl. I know it's all out of love though coming from them so I don't take it personal. Yeah it does sting a little sometimes but it's whatever.

After about 30 mins of just listening to music and good vibes in the car we finally arrive to school.

"You sure you don't want to stay for practice I hate having you walk home or take the bus after school. We don't exactly live in the most safest neighborhood" Malachi said cutting the music off and looking at me.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me" I smiled at him and got out the car.

He went to say something else but I cut him off with my hand. It was the same thing almost everyday.

"I'll be fine" I repeated once more.

"Alright chubz I'll see you when I get home" he said backing out the parking lot and going wherever he goes since he doesn't start his day till 3rd period.

Walking into the doors of the school I kept my head down and avoided contact with everyone. When I got to my locker I got the stuff I needed for 1st and 2nd period since my 3rd period class is on the first floor anyway.

"Good morning fat ass" I heard the voice I dread hearing the most.