Self-Conscious

chap·ter 2

Laila

Jermaine.

Rolling my eyes I already prepared myself physically for the shit he was about to give me. It's always been this way. It was always something that I seemed to do to irk his soul.

For example,

Breathing.

I knew Jermaine since elementary school. No this isn't going to be no sappy shit about how he was my best friend and he changed. No. We was never friends.

He was in Malachi's class but then he got left back and he got into my class.

He was the kid most people called stupid. So to take the tension off him he started to make the fat jokes and become the class clown. Nobody really cared that he was older than us and was supposed to be a class ahead of us, all they cared about was what new joke he was going to make about my weight.

How he was going to find new ways to make me cry.

By the time we reached high school you could forget about it. He was popular. Need I say more? Popularity doesn't necessarily change a person. It just brings out the bigger ass in them.

He swears he has everything. The looks, the girls, the latest shit that drops, athletic skills, etc. Yeah he has everything but his damn grades.

Nigga failing all his classes.

"Leave me alone. Is that so hard for you to do?" I asked already irritated.

Closing my locker I then my way into the main office to get my daily key. The key was used for the elevator in the building that is primarily for the staff. However because of my weight my doctor had recommended that I use the elevator instead of taking the stairs.

The stairs ain't good for my heart or my grades because I was always late.

"You in this fucking attitude. You always got one. Shit a nigga tries to be nice to you big ole fugly ass and you can't even appreciate it? Bet." He says before laughing and shoving my shoulders and walking away.

Walking into the main office I went to Ms. Norman. She worked in the main office doing whatever she did. I'm not really sure what that was exactly but I do know that she was cool.

"Good morning Ms.Norman" I smiled.

From the expression on her face I already knew what she was going to say. The elevators was out and shut down for the day until the school fixed it.

"I'm sorry Hun. You want me to write you a note for the teachers?" She asked sympathy and pity laced in her voice.

No.

I don't want you to write me a stupid note to give to my teachers because my fat ass can't be like others and just walk up the stair case without fucking dying.

No.

I don't want your pity.

No. 

I don't know want to be fat.

But do we get what we want?

No.

"Yes." I said as I mustered up a smile.

"I'm so sorry"

Yeah me too.