Hope

4

My anxiety started to set in.

Over 100 people in a room staring at me.

I wasn't ready for it.

"They're going to stare at you.

They're already talking about you what makes you think they want to be friends with you.

You're own mother can't even speak to you, she just tolerate you.

I'm just protecting you."

I wanted to get something to eat and go.

I wish I could skip lunch but I have to eat something with my meds.

I walked in the cafeteria doors, loud and busy.

I could already feel stares burning into me.

Why do I do this to myself?

I walk into the line and pick up a sandwich.

I look at the lunch lady that looks like she's analyzing my face.

I scan my i.d card and leave for a table.

I can hear whispers already all of them about me.

"I don't think they should have they i.d around their neck they might strangle themselves with it.

They look like they're going to pass out , maybe they overdosed on their meds.

I heard they have a scar around their neck from where they tried to hang herself but they covers it with makeup.

They went crazy and decides to come back don't they care about our safety here?"

The stares and whispers went on and on.

I take my sandwich and go to the bathroom.

I locked myself in the stall and just ate there.

I then took my pills out and placed two in my hands.

I looked at them and went to pour the whole bottle out.

I should just do it now.

Put me out of my misery.

But I just put the rest back in leaving two.

I should do it later not now.

I feel trapped.