Hope

11

My panic attacks are less frequent now but when they come they're extremely difficult to control.

Even the grounding techniques don't work all that well anymore, sometimes I feel as if I just go back to square one.

I wonder what happens if I just tend to forget everything around me as if nothing ever happen.

Will I live a "normal" life?

Will I stop being so standoffish to my mother?

Would I have a defiant reason to live?

Would I have a reason to stay?

All of these questions run rampant throughout my thoughts, but yet I think of my last question.

Would I have a reason to stay, why should I?

For the most, I have been suffering alone.

My mother never understood the full extent of what is wrong with me.

It literally took a suicide attempt for her to notice.

Couldn't she tell that I wasn't okay?

Couldn't she tell that I was stressing out too?

But that was the thing with parents.

They're so used to fixing all your problems but don't want anyone else to fix them when it's something their not used too.

I always wondered what my mother thought.