Hope

9

I was shocked at myself after my sudden outburst.

That was the most I have said in three months.

Usually the only words I have spoken so far was less than two syllables.

I honestly want to find myself rejoining society instead of drowning myself in my sorrows.

It was that wasn't my problem.

Sure that was part of it, but it was more about the people surrounding me.

They only saw my depression and what I have done to myself.

I wasn't that kid with depression I was the crazy one.

I'm the talk of the school teachers and staff included.

Ninety-five percent of the school doesn't even know my name.

And the five percent that does are my teachers.

Everyone know of me but don't even know me.

I felt like I walk around with the words gawk at me tattooed on my forehead.

There's obviously a stigma against me.

Hell all people that are like me.

But it seems like the same people who doesn't want to be around those with mental illnesses glorify the illness.

It's everywhere.

Like in the movies how they show the pretty blonde model trying to throw up over a toilet.

When in reality it's the girl that lost almost all her hair and can't eat properly because of years of binge eating.

Or on tumblr, the handsome guy who cuts himself because no one will understand him and how he finds someone that loves his scars.

It's not a beautiful thing to have self inflicted scars.

It's a daily reminder of what you went through and what you did to yourself.

And let us not forget about the beautiful girl who cries herself asleep because life isn't going her way and have a boyfriend who constantly tells her how beautiful she is to him.

Depression in reality is you staying up till 5am alone with your thoughts with no one there but you.

You're over here trying to find an ounce of motivation to keep breathing even if it feels like you're suffocating.

Not everyone have someone to lean on when they go through this,hell my own mother avoided me.

You want to call yourself a "psycho" but don't want to be treated as one.

You want the title because it makes you"special" but you don't want to feel lonely.

Judged.

Ostracized.

Stigmatized.

Hurt.

Unwanted.

This is what I face every single day, and only to see that what I and many other people go through is becoming a trend.

It hurts.

No it's not depression when you're sad because you can't get that new phone you wanted.

You're not bipolar if you're nice one moment and being a bitch the next.

And it's not ocd if you like neat things.

Why do you have to take the title we're not proud of but not speak up about it?

I'm just confused.