Taraji And Terrence: The Secret

Vacation Day 5: Her Own Little Secret.

Next Morning

Taraji POV

I woke up from another nightmare. I thought they were gone...but they always come back. I'm not in love with him anymore..and It's not his spirit haunting me, it's just the hallucinations...making me feel as if I'm crazy. His voices..won't stop speaking to me..making me do these crazy things. I'm so much more vulnerable than i used to be. I feel that i have no choice but to give in sometimes or else his voices will make me hurt the ones i love. Especially terrence. I don't want to lose him..all the crazy things i did. I can't forgive myself. Sometimes i think that I should just get a nuse and tie it around my neck, kick the chair from underneath my foot and solve everyone's issues. I can't tell you how many times I've though about suicide after he hurt me. I thought that everything would be alright after i get out of the hospital, but after he died i felt relieved but like it was all my fault. When me and Derrick were together he was beating me every day and night...burning me, beating me with his fist and items around the house, trying to force me to have sex with him, he used to chock and slap me and leave me in a pool of my own blood, but somehow I always found a way to show up to work looking as fresh as a daisy..as if nothing happened. Then Derrick would come in and get me and say that we have to leave. When me and terrence were bestfriends, I always felt so safe around him...I felt as if he always took such good care of me. I knew he would never try and best me or treat me such a way. He used to make me feel beautiful and like i was the most attractive woman in the world. He would always be confused on why i would be sore when he hugged me though. He never knew that me and Derrick were dating because I didn't want to strike issues between them if terrence were to find out about my beatings...Derrick was insane. Like really insane. After we broke up i found out that he escaped from an asylum. I finally sound a way to get away from him once I finally became brave enough to tell the police about my beatings. Derrick told me to make a order for pizza and i called 911 and made it like I was ordering something. They immediately caught on to the fact that I was hiding something and was secretly calling for help. They came and got him and i out a restraining order against him and i thought that I was finally free. After I Got myself together again I eventually fell in love with terrence he treated me amazing...no beatings, no burns, no sexual force...just hugs and kisses, gifts, comfort, and amazing sex. But then that day that I saw Derrick again and him and terrence were actually old besfriends, My whole world dropped back down. But when Derrick was killed, I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders. I thought I will never have to deal with him ever again, but That's when it's like I couldn't get the thought of him out of my head. When he beat me when we were together I felt as if it was wrong but like I liked it..i was in denial that he wasn't caring about me. I felt like it was love because afterwards he would hug and kiss me comforting me but then he'll go right back to beating. Once he was killed after he beat me when I was with terrence it brought that old feeling back and i couldn't erase the thought of him. I figured that maybe he was doing it for love since back then he used to tell me He loved me. I figured that was his way of saying that he loved and missed me. I started having hallucinations and hear his voices in my head making me feel that i was as crazy as him. So I felt that doing things like him would mean that we loved eachother. I got So used to being beat that I thought that's what love felt like. I thought that's what love was. But now I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be back normal, but It's just hard...

I lifted up and looked over my shoulder to see terrence asleep. I was breathing heavily from the nightmare of him and i was panicking. I quickly and quietly got my special needle out of the drawer and stuck it into my arm. I winced a bit but then I immediately felt relief. I sighed happily and got up to throw it away. I made sure that I threw it away in the most unnoticeable way. I sat on the edge of the bed on terrences side and started to rub his face. I rubbed it so gently so that he wouldn't wake up easily. I just watched him and thought about how much stress he must be going with me. He puts a smile on around me but I wonder how he feels when he's not around me. That smile probably instantly fades and he probably just cries and prays for me to change. He probably acts like I'm a normal woman around men but when he's not he prbably thinks that I belong in the asylum with Derrick. He stirred a bit and i stopped so that he doesn't wake up. I got up and got intot he shower and left out of the hotel room. I went down to the lobby and to the bar. I got myself a margarita and sat down outside by the pool in a beach chair. I just needed to clear my mind and just let back. I just need a little time away from everyone. I leaned back and just closed my eyes breathing steadily. My phone went off and i sighed and looked at it. It was terrence and he was asking me where I was.