Pulse

Chapter 1- My Last Name's Irrelevant

Chapter One

I sit up in my hard, yellow plastic chair. This is rehab? This place is shit, I can tell you that. A few more annoyed, or somber people walk in, probably forced, such as I to endure this torture. How could someone drag us all into a gray, raggedy ass building, and expect us to wear a smile on our faces?

"Oxana, you're new, would you like to start us off?"

I arch my head a little to properly see the group of people sitting around me, in a perfect circle as if we were at an AA meeting. Except we were all addicted to something much more dangerous than alcohol.

"Well hello people, I'm Oxana, my last name is irrelevant, and I should be dead right now."

A few people stare blankly at me, and the counselor doesn't seem to have a good sense of humor. Noted.

I think back to the night I attempted to take my own life. The night some prick decided to play hero for the day. 

***

Darkness surrounds me. I look around the empty white building as a thick crimson liquid starts dripping slowly down the walls, flooding my small room. No windows, no doors, just one blade in the corner. I am faced with a question. A yes or no question, but not an easy one. 

Nightmares asked me, would you rather drown in your worst fears, or bring yourself to take your own pulse with the swipe of a dull blade?

I ask myself, would I rather drown, or bleed out, but I immediately know the answer. I would much rather drown out my problems than force myself to end it with my own two hands.

It starts with those nightmares. I wake up over and over again. A decision is being made unconsciously and I am being shown the outcome every single night. it is finally time that I act upon my obvious fate.

My legs carry me far, but I eventually take over. My emotions control me. My anger does not subside, it only grows stronger. My tears stream steadier, and my feet rip me from the spot I am standing. I don't even realize where I am running until I am almost there. I'm almost completely gone, too far gone to ever come back. 

With that in mind, I near the cliff that leads to the oceans edge, and just yearn for the peace that lies ahead.

I need the peace, the quiet, the freedom. Death is my only escape. The tears wash over me, but it is already too late to feel them. The numbing pain has overtaken me. I sigh, and simply take the final leap into the sea as if I am simply walking into my room after a long day.

As I am engulfed in the waves I can't help but think of the end. It's over. I arrived on this Earth with no purpose, no reason to be here. I deserve this, and I will get what I had long coming.


I bash my head as the wave washes me into the rocks, and I laugh at the irony of picking drowning, yet bleeding out anyway.


I struggle before realizing there is no reason to struggle anymore. I slowly sink before my eyes drift shut, shutting the awful world out forever. I silently thank the ocean that my last thought, and breath, are peaceful.

-

I am awoken suddenly, my head throbbing loudly in my ears.

"What the hell?" I cough, large amounts of water finding their way out of my lungs. I feel the cold damp sand of the sea underneath me. The smell of water is overwhelming and I can hear the faint crashes of the waves behind me. It is still dark outside, but there is a hint of light coming from the east, peaking out from over the cliffs.

Oh shit. The cliffs.




Only after this thought do I see the dark brown haired boy standing over me. Water dripping from his curls, and breathing heavily. I notice his piercing green eyes, then his frowning lips begin to move.


"What the hell yourself, didn't anyone ever teach you not to go jumping into oceans like that. Or at least how to swim?" He mutters to himself, "'What the hell' she says."

I open my mouth to answer, only to choke on some more water still stuck in my chest.

"Don't even answer that."

And I hear sirens approaching from the west side of the shore.


***

*Sorry it's short, this is actually a story I just started rewriting, I will be extending the lengths of other chapters, seeing as many were short and could have been much longer with all the content I tried to cram into as few words as humanly possible.

I am reworking each chapter, one by one. And I hope that by the time most of you see this, that I will already be done and progressing the story.

If you have already read the story before my rework, I strongly suggest rereading it if possible. Names, minor plot details and some characters have been changed and reworked.

However, I will also include that chapter 15 is the last chapter in the rework, and chapter 16 is where I will pick up with the story. This is in effect as of January 13, 2019.

A very special and appreciative thank you for anyone still reading after all these years. And for any new readers, I hope at least Oxana can win you over. Thanks for giving us a chance! I hope to amp up the intensity and intrigue soon.