Is This Real?

Chapter XVI

Nat POV
I really have no responsibility for my actions around Christen. She does things to me that no one else has even even gotten close to doing. She makes me feel protected and makes me feel like I need to protect her. She's gone through hell and back. But, here she is, lying here in bed with me because I asked her to. She had a toned and tan arm around my waist, squeezing it gently every time I moved.

I know that I shouldn't be feeling these things. She's two to three years younger than me for gods sake. I've told myself to ignore my heart before. You know where it got me? Ruined and heartbroken. Yes. It was Jade.

I still like her. I still think she's beautiful. I love how her eyes sparkle when she's excited, I love her signature bitch-face in the field. I love her fiery passion for the sport.

But what's in the past is in the past. Jade's probably moved on because I have. Looking over at Chris, it gave me butterflies. But they were butterflies in a whole new level. Her laugh, her smile, her cute little chuckle, all of those things made the butterflies in my stomach take flight. It made me giddy with excitement.

But there is one thing I still need to know. Her past. She keeps such a thick wall up behind those gorgeous green eyes. I just want to know wants going on in that head of hers.

I know she's still hurting. I can see that. No matter how thick and tall the walls may be, that emotion seemed to peek through. She was hurt about something. I mean her father did just up and leave her. But it was before that. That sadness drew me to her. It was the only indication that she was human. She didn't have a perfect life. But something is going on and it's hurting her. For only she'll let me help her...

Christen's POV
I wasn't quite sleeping. I mean the sensation of having the person that is the most special to you in your arms is unexplainable satisfying.

I could tell that she wasn't sleeping though. She was fiddling with her fingers, something she always does when she's thinking. I wonder what though.

I don't know why Nat stuck with me. Just plain old me. Nothing interesting if you ask me. Depressing life if you've ever heard one.

You killed her. A familiar voice rang in my head.

No. I can't be thinking this. Not now, not ever. I thought.

There is no going back. You are a murderer. Selfish. Always wanted what was best for you. You didn't even try. The voice was cracking.

I killed her. I acknowledged. I freaking killed her.

That's right. And what are you on a do about it? The voice asks.

Nothing. I'm gonna do nothing. There's nothing I can do. I thought in despair.

Everyone you love will leave you. That girl? What's her name? Nat? She'll leave you too. The voice whispered.

No. No she won't. I thought.

Look what happened before. History always repeats itself. I would know. The voice was stronger now. I held myself together.

No. You've said this before. It hasn't. I thought.

Yet. Just you wait.the voice receded from my brain.

I let go of Nat and she mumbled something. I let a few tears slip.

Don't cry. Stay strong. I thought and that just led to me breaking into sobs.

Nat jolted awake and held me. I had curled myself up in a ball.