Is This Real?

Chapter XI

Nat's eyes widened. "H...how?"

"We both are hurt on the inside. Scars in our heart that we can't ever erase. Scars terrible we don't want anyone to see them. To cover up, we put our walls up to hide out true self. I act like I'm happy and my life is great. It's not. Far from it. And when that wall gets pushed over, I push people away. I go silent and my scars get ripped open from the inside out. I won't talk to people for days on end. And I know that. But, I have other things to worry about. I can't let small things get to me. I act like they don't but they do. And by the end of the year last year, everyone knew something was wrong. I was a mess. I stopped coming to practices, I went to games but I was silent the whole time. When someone fouled me, I would just stand up and walk away no matter how much it hurt. My facial expression never changed. And in my head, well, I don't know what was going on in my head. I was figuring out a lot of things and I didn't let anybody help me. Not because I thought I knew everything, but because I couldn't let anyone in. I emotionally couldn't do it. My soccer stayed the same. I practiced at home and kicked the ball around a bit, but in my opinion, I was terrible. I didn't enjoy soccer. Because it reminded me of someone that I didn't want to think about." I looked down.

"That's when I hit rock bottom." I said. "My rock bottom was different from others. I distanced myself, and hid in a corner of my own fear. I didn't talk to anyone, and no one talked to me. That's how it was. Would I change it? Yes. Could I change it? No. I was  broken. I must have looked like an angry woman. Psycho. For the rest of freshman year, I kept my head down and kept walking forward in the hopes of something good come up in my life. It never happened. I broke up with my boyfriend and then, I was truly alone."

"That just have been hard." Nat whispered.

"Yeah, talk about confused." I said, shaking my head. "I never actually figured it out you know. The problem I was trying to solve. I just gave up. And that's not me, but I decided not to think about it anymore. So, if I come to practice a little bit off, you know why. And I advise you not to talk to me during those times. I don't want your feelings hurt."

"How could you care about how another person might feel around you? You're the one hurting." Nat said.

"I appreciate it but I gotta be alone during those times. And only one persons actually gotten me out of it. Snapped me back to reality." I realized.

"Jade?" Nat asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Well, here's what I know. I can literally name ten people that like you. Already." Nat laughed.

"And?" I asked back.

"If you beat Jade at her own game, that'll be the ultimate way to get her and get her out of her shell." Nat explained.

"Well," I started. "I don't know about that."

"What do you suggest?" She asked.

"I'm going to try to win her trust and maybe she'll willingly share it with me." I thought.

"Remember? We dated for a year and she never told me." Nat said, leaning forward.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I'm really happy that you told me. Thank you."

"Yeah. Do I look like I just balled my eyes out?" She said, opening her eyes.

"Mm no." I said back. I finally got a good look at Nat. She was pretty. Beautiful even. She had warm brown eyes, wavy dirty blonde hair, defined cheekbones and jawline, plus, she was caring and protective.