MagicAnimalClub: Happenings

46: Stampy Cat

JOES POV

I can't write a letter.
I can't text him.
I can't tell him.
How can I apologise?

Can I let him get on with life?
Yes, yes I should.

Years pass by, I see his children walk past my house to school. I have a new little girl, we name her Emily.
Davids new little boy is born.
We never speak, we never look at each other.

Beth and I never got married. It was my decision to call off the wedding. Beth now lives next door, so there isn't a big distance for Emily. We thought about getting planning permission to make a door between the two houses however then we may as well have stayed in the same house. I didn't dislike Beth. It was more of, I didn't think I deserved someone like her as a wife.
Beth wasn't okay with the decision at the start, seeing as we had been through a lot together, but when I explained to her what I had done she gave me a slap in the face and left.
It seemed as if the only one who liked me was Emily.

Emily was six now, Beth and I separated just after I made it home from California so she never felt upset about it.
I was picking her up from school but her arm was interlinked with a young boy, the same age as her, whom I had recognised to be Davids son.
"You ready to go home now, Emily?" I said, taking her other hand.
"Can't he come too?" Emily asked,
"No, he has to see his family." I said,
"Can he come home with us one day?" Emily asked, but David came up and took his son away from Emily,
"No he can't." David said, my face went white with fear.
"Bye Ashton!" Emily said, my eyes teared up, Ashton.

As we walked home Emily talked about Ashton.
"He has a big sister and a big brother who are nine! I can't remember their names."
"James and Rosie." I said,
"How did you know?"
"I just... guessed." I lied. Smiling at her.
"Cool."

We walked indoors and we sat on the sofa together.
"Ashton's dad seems mean." Emily said,
"No he isn't, he just has reasons. You can be angry sometimes."
"I'm not angry." Emily defended,
"Oh really?" I tickled her and we both laughed.
"Oh guess what?!" Emily said,
"What?"
"Mummy has a new cat!"
"Really?! What's it called?" I asked, remembering Ori's sad death.
"I think it was Stampy."
My eyes widened. "Stampy? Stampy cat?" I laughed,
"Yep! Mummy named it!"
"Why- why don't we go and see it then?" I asked, to Emily's delight.

We walked next door and Beth was sitting watching TV with a tiny ginger kitten curled up on her lap.
"Hi Emily!" She said, Emily ran over to her, I looked down at the kitten as Beth kissed Emily on the forehead.
"So, this is.."
"Stampy!" Emily giggled, looking at the kitten. If only she knew...
"Stampy cat." I smiled at Beth, remembering who I was a decade ago.

A whole decade... A long time.. Ten years.. Since my life was run by YouTube. It was so fun! I missed it.. I missed it so much..
My eyes started to tear up. Beth smiled, looking at me, before looking down, upset. She knew what I was thinking and she was thinking it too.

I sat down beside Beth and Emily, petting Stampy. He was so soft, I saw that he had white paws, like a pair of iron Stampy style boots.
Emily went off to the toilet, Beth petted the kitten,  "I miss it so much."
"Believe me I do too." I whispered. Facing up to block my tears.
"Thanks.. For giving me that little reminder. Thanks.. Sqaishey."

She looked at me and I looked at her, our faces moved closer together, our lips so close..

Emily opened the door.
We coughed and moved back to petting the kitten.
"So- you better be going soon then." Beth said, "bet you have homework." 
"Yeh.." Emily sighed,
"Alright, all the best, see you soon." I said, leaving the house, holding Emily's hand.

That night I lay in my bed, thinking about my past life as StampyLongHead. I pulled out a box in my cupboard and looked at all my old fan art, tears streamed from my face. I looked at letters and comments that I had printed out, some so beautiful. It made me cry.
I had that nostalgic feeling, I wanted to go back, before the war, before I ever fell out, before Beth broke her back falling down the stairs, before that meeting. On Christmas Day, 2015, before it all began. I wished I could go back there, and I wished that there was no war, no meeting so I could have prevented Beth from falling down the stairs.

I wished that I could still be doing YouTube. And that I wouldn't be sitting in a house, separate to Beth's, being ignored by David .. No wait.. I would call him Squid, he would have a mother, a brother, a father. He would still have two children- maybe three, or more. He and Nicole may still have been living in Yorkshire, or be living here and visiting us everyday. Beth and I, I would call her Sqaishey, we would both live in this house, she would be sleeping beside me right now, we would probably still have this child, or maybe another one. We would have a perfect driveway that wasn't blown up seven years ago and I wouldn't have scars all over my body or a crutch sometimes. I would still love her, well.. To admit I still do.. I guess, maybe she would still love me. Maybe she still does..

Stampy cat.