Dignity and Depravity

Chapter III

Amelia surprised herself by not fainting at the dining table.

Her stays were not overly taut, rather her nerves that as sharp for plucking as the strings on a harp-lute. It was her wedding night and suddenly she would be thrust in to new territory, where it was not her naked shrewdness that was required. Virginal as she was, Amelia was not so unworldly as to be ignorant of her duties. In fact, she relished the idea of them.

Chaste kisses and affectionate touches during her courtship with John had made Amelia newly aware of deep seated desires that sprung from within her belly. Now, within reach of having physical release of her unchaste thoughts, Amelia was positively agitated. Would John still accept her as a blushing bride if he understood that she was flushed from wantonness, rather than innocence? Would the realities of consummation match the burning she felt?

"You have eaten but a few bites from your plate, Amelia" remarked John. "Are you quite well?"

"Yes, husband, quite well. Only a little full from our robust wedding luncheon."

"Really, darling, your cheeks are quite rosy. Can I pour you another glass of wine?"

"I assure you, I am fine. Perhaps a little worn from the events today". Amelia smiled weakly. I shall never succeed in seeming chaste if I cannot tear my mind from the bedroom, she thought. "Perhaps I shall retire early", she heard herself say as she began to rise from the table.

John felt himself start at Amelia's words. He had been expecting a little more time to build up his hardihood before taking his wife to the marriage bed. Furthermore, he worried that it would appear unseemly to leave dinner so early, but yet he also wanted to provide comfort to his wife in a time of need. What would the servants think? And should it matter? he ruminated.

Amelia could not help but notice that John had furrowed his brow in response to her words. If only I knew what he was thinking at this moment, she thought. Do I have a partner? No, she reflected dejectedly, he is too good a master to subject himself to conjecture by being seen as taking leave from dinner to warm the sheets with his wife.

"It is merely a trifling headache, John. I shall ask my ladies maid Fanny to stay with me until you retire for the evening", she said, placing a hand reassuringly on his shoulder as she started to move towards the door.

Amelia paused and looked deeply into John's eyes, which seem to reflect her sentiments or ardent love and respect. Is there desire as well, husband? she thought, willing him to appreciate her intentions. Alas, instead she met with a twinge of disappointment as his eyes flickered and broke free from her gaze. I have been impertinent, she thought. Her spirits fell.

Gathering herself, Amelia once again headed towards the stairs. She had barely begun to lift her hand from John's shoulder when she felt a sudden, firm grip on her wrist.

"Amelia, wait for me".