Broken and alone

Ch1

Ok guys so I'm starting a book and its my first book so please don't judge to harshly but i would like some feedback in the comments . So the picture up there is of Rosie. Played by Candice king Hope you guys enjoy my story

I laid there with the blade in my hand clutching it with so much force, just as i had done many times before in the past three years. I sat there asking the same question i ask myself every time I'm in this position. " Do i really want to do this?" The answer in my head was an automatic no,but then I thought of the very thing that was putting me in this situation in the first place and i found myself starting to slice into my worn down skin before i even processed what was happening . Seeing the blood trickle down the blade and drip into my arm was a release in it self. But to feel the blade puncture my skin and get the release and feel the high while i was focusing on the physical pain and not the mental. It was like the best feeling in the world. And afterwards? Afterwards was the worst,because afterwards the high was gone. And i was left with the unbearable mental pain that I started with. Lots of people may ask then why do it? Why do it when it does nothing for you after its over and still leaves you empty inside? Well the answer to that in my perspective all depends on the person you ask. My personal answer? Well i don't really have an exact or specific one. But one way to explain it is when I'm cutting it might not take away the pain forever and it might leave me feeling like shit afterwards, but at least it takes away the pain if not forever if only for a second. And that my reader is only one of my many reasons. Your probably wondering where all this pain i feel is coming from right? Another hard question to answer. But i will answer it my best by telling you my version of the broken and lonely girl .