(3k+ words)
Lydia Martin has always been beautiful. Since we were kids, the boys have always gravitated towards her. Hell, even some girls have crushed on her. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's popular. Why wouldn't they? There's just something about her and Stiles Stilinski has been her biggest fan since the days of running around on the playground. How do you even begin to compete with that?
When Stiles and Lydia started dating, numerous hearts were broken, including mine. Seeing them together was gut wrenching. The way she would look at him and him her, the way she would run her fingers through his messy brown hair, how she would kiss him like there was no one else in the world but the two of them. Wherever Lydia was, Stiles would be by her side or never too far for too long.
I couldn't help but watch them when they were together. I tried not to be obvious, but apparently I failed miserably when Scott confronted me about it one day.
We were in the library, Lydia and Stiles sitting across from me and Scott to my left. They were whispering about something, I couldn't make out the conversation. Stiles was playing with a strand of her beautiful, long hair as he smiled at her. I tried to concentrate on the book in front of me, but every time Lydia would quietly laugh I found myself glancing up at them. And when they got up to leave, together, it made my heart clench.
"What's wrong with you?" Scott nudged my elbow.
"What? What do you mean?" I turned in my chair to face him.
"You think I haven't noticed? The way you are when Lydia and Stiles are around?" His eyebrows raised as he gave me a look.
"Noticed what?" I tried to keep a poker face the best I could.
"You have a thing for Lydia don't you?"
"What? No way, you're crazy."
"You do. I've seen the way you look at her. The way you look at Stiles."
"Oh yeah? How do I look at them?"
"You look at Lydia like...you're amazed by her. Then you look at Stiles like...like you're trying to light him on fire with your mind," he laughed quietly.
"I think you need to work on your observation skills, McCall. I do not look at Lydia like I'm amazed by her," I waved my hands dramatically as I said amazed.
"So, you would like to set Stiles on fire with your mind?"
"Oh good lord, Scott. You're reading too much into this. I do not have a thing for Lydia," I slammed my book closed and gathered my stuff, leaving in a huff.
"I don't believe you!" Scott whisper-yelled after me as I exited the library.
I was losing my composure. Why? Because I was jealous. I was so jealous, it was starting to become noticeable to other people. I couldn't let it become so obvious. It would ruin friendships. I wasn't willing to let my fantasies destroy my friendships. So I pushed it all down, so far down that I began to distance myself from everyone.
For months I was only available when the important shit went down, when my presence was absolutely necessary to help the pack. Every other form of communication was done through text messages. I missed my friends, but the pain of seeing Lydia with Stiles was worse. I didn't want to deal with it. I'm not really one for confrontation, I'd rather just bury my feelings and slowly let them fester. So that's exactly what I did.
