I TAKE IT BACK

HELL ABOVE

the  melody of hell above by peirce the veil plays as you awake slowly. "this is a waste land my only retreatttt..." you slide your screen over to stop the alarm.you casually look done at your arm to see the pink lines randomly placed across your pale wrists.they still look fresh and slightly irritated.you roll off your bed and hazily walk to your bathroom.placing band aids carefully over the cuts.your blue hair seems to be fading.your roots seem to be turning back to there caramel brown natural state.you search for your charcoal gray beanie and your peirce the veil jacket.looking threw your draws you find a black shirt and black skinny jeans .shower?hm maybe.stripping from your clothes you step in the shower.grabbing the shampoo you work it into your hair.rubbing the body wash on your bare skin you moan softly.hai I mean everyone needs a little relief sometimes.you stroke your cock softly leaning your head back in pleasure.you slide your finger softly over the tip cumming alittle.you move the shower head alittle and rinse off.stepping out of the shower you feel a slight loneliness.usually zach stays over on Mondays and you shower toghther, but he's gone.now you feel cold and alone like apart of you was stolen.like apart of your heart was crushed into peices.you try to keep in your tears as you slip on boxers and then the rest of your clothes.you grab your black combat boots with the metal chain's on the side and shuffle down the stairs.your feet jingle softly.grabbing a water and your suicide squad backpack you head out the door.fumbling for your phone in your back pocket you turn on your get scared and bring me the horizon playlist.sleepwalking by bring me the horizon plays and you start to head bang softly."it's like I'm sleepwalking fell into another hole again it's like I'm sleepwalking..."you mumble the lyrics softly to yourself.it lightly begins to drizzle rain as the song stumbling in your footsteps by get scared plays."when the kingdom has lost its kinggggg who's left to lead who's left to leaddddd..."you sing softly.this song you find quite beautiful.you sang it to zach when he had his nightmares.his face would immediately calm as you sang.he would fall asleep in your arms.but that won't happen anymore...zach's gone and he's never coming back!you frown as you forcefully press the skip button.suicide season by bring me the horizon plays as you walk up to the school doors.tyler the asshole of the school greets you with a kick to the knees.you fall and shout at him as your head  bows in pain "fucking jack ass leave me alone why is it that your most happy when you hurt me!?" he just looks at you and mumbles gay bitch under his breath as he walks away. "what the fuck happened to you" you shout at him.he turns around sharply he pulled you up and roughly pushes you to the lockers "listen you fucking queer don't ask stupid questions...I've always been this way." he pushes you against the locker one more time and you feel a peice of paper hit your chest.he walks off and a peice of paper falls to the ground.your face twists in confusion.the fuck you mutter in angrily.you bend done and swiftly pick up the gum wrapper.you look inside and see his number and the words text? written under it.you rub your back and toss the gum wrapper in your pocket.i-i don't understand you stutter.rushing to your first period you can't stop thinking about the note.what does he want now to verbally abuse me too through texts.i don't fucking think so you mumble.you walk into mr.sanderows sex ed class.fuck you whisper now I have to sit through him talk about sex and other shit i already know about.i have to sit through him giving me reassuring looks as if you say "it's okay to be gay" what he doesn't understand is that I'm openly gay and I don't give a fuck what most people think concerning my sexuality.or there's the pervy sexual looks or his gay rapist smirks.which I'm not interested in obvisiously.i roll my eyes as the class clown makes gay comments pointed to me."being gay is retarded" he sneers "they are going to hell for there sin anyways fucking fags" he laughs out.i cringe at his comment.when my mother was alive I was raised very religious I was taught gay is wrong and those feelings towards the same sex should be shamed apon.now I question everything is god really our allie or is he our enime.he never seems to be there when we need him.as for my sexuality I started liking the same sex when I was about 11 zach came around.his beautiful brown eyes ginger hair and his soft lips always intrigued me.he made me blush even then.everything about him made me feel...made me feel right.but in the bottom of my heart my love for him also felt wrong.maybe what I was taught was wrong.maybe it isn't all i kn-...mr.sanderow spoke your name repeatedly "hello hello mr.brudent hello!???" you shake your head softly and giggle nervously "oh sorry " you whisper you slowly look up and ask "what do you need?" he looks around "uh nothing you just looked out of it like you were in deep thought...and most importantly like you weren't paying attention" "s-sorry sir I was thinking about what you were saying is all." he smirks softly and pats your back just as the bell rings "well that's good have a nice day." he leans in closer "oh and sorry for your loss...you know zach but you were I mean you could do better than him anyways." You stand up quickly and slap his cheek roughly and rush towards your second period down the hall.you sit in your normal seat in the back frowning.how could he say that about zach...zach deserved better than me.you lay your head down and rest alittle.someone taps your desk softly.you lift your head slowly and glare "what?" you growl.she sits done next to you laughing "didn't know I picked a seat next to a asshole" you didn't" you growl  all the assholes sit in the front were you should be." loser she scoffs.you lean your head back done second period is a waste of time.maybe I'll skip the rest of the day.i need some time to think.you grab your suicide squad backpack and walk out of class.fuck history our "forefathers" only make problems for the people of the future to fix.you know mrs.mackel's gonna call the office then their gonna call your "dad"...or so they think the number there actually calling is yours.fucking idiots you laugh.the woods calm you.you crush the dead leaves under your feet as you climb over the fence.you run to the tree were you first kissed zach.memories overflow you as you here a soft rustle from behind the tree.your body tenses as you slowly walk towards the tree.as you come closer you hear heavy breathing.you see a tan body with midnight  black hair draped across his green eyes.he had tears running down his cheeks and his face was red and bruised.he held a knife against his wrist and he started to cry louder.he winced as he pressed it harder against his skin.he started to cry as his dropped the knife quickly yanking at his hair and screaming out of anger he kicked the tree and punched it repeatedly as if it didn't hurt.he banged on the tree one last time before he slid done the trunk and continued to cry.why why why he repeated he threw the knife quickly.as if he had regret for cutting like he promised to never cut again but he had just broke that promise.you moved next to him.he looked at you quickly with fear in his eyes but when he looked at you his face softened.he looked done and tried to "clean" the cut. you took out a napkin and the water from this morning and dabed it on his wound.he winced and grunted in pain softly as he made fists with his other hand to overcome the pain.you cleaned it then grabbed a bandaid from your pocket you had taken for yourself.he needed it more than you did that's for sure.he cut deeper than you ever have.how could he take all that pain you thought.maybe that wasn't the most painful thing is his life he seemed very...troubled.you rubbed his scars softly and he blushed deeply.whats wrong? you whisper. he looks at you his green eyes piercing a whole into your soul.he gives you a questioning look as if to say "do you really care?" you nod softly and keep rubbing his cuts "I do" you say suddenly.he relaxes slowly and speaks..."my dad h-he had a heart attack he's all i have left and he's gone...i never understood why so many tragedies happen to me...i stressed him out i p-pushed him to his limit now hes  dead.i came to the woods to think and get away from reality...but now h-hes gone!theres no escaping that no matter how much I want to." he leans his head on your chest and sobs loudly.you feel a great pain to see him like this...but you've never met him before.he looks at you and quietly speaks "wanna come over to my h-house?" you blush softly and nod but neither one of you move.you wrap your arms around him comfortingly and he burrys his head in your chest breathing slowly.he shivers as a breeze blows by.you stand up slowy and pick him up.he feels light and warm in your arms.he lays his head in the crook of your  neck and then looks at you "t-thanks" he says as his face blushes a soft pink. "m-my apartment is" he shivers again "right around the corner if you walk out of the woods and turn left...r-right around there." he says and points towards a small apartment complex.you nod and put him on your back and rush across the street.he jumps off of your back stumbling alittle.he skips over to door number 24 and unlocks it."w-wanna stay o-over?" he mumbles. "well if I didn't who would keep you company???huh huh?" you tickle him softly and he falls onto the bed dragging you done with him.you casually start to cuddle and you hear his soft snores echo threw the room.his warmth helps in the chilled room.your eyes get heavy as you kiss his forhead and he blushes in his sleep.you drift away into sleep.there was no nightmare just his warmth and a peaceful rest.