Girls Don't Cry | The Outsiders

Seven

Getting to know my dad was real nice. We talked about anything under the sun, he told me he could play guitar pretty good and I told him I'd learned to fight. He gave me a pocketknife of his, a real nice one. It wasn't like the new one Two-Bit just got (his was shiny silver and sharp as hell), but it sure was something I was proud to wield. I figured that, now that I had something to defend myself with if I ever got jumped again, I wouldn't be too bad walking by myself anymore.

The soc's never really jumped girls, just if they was pissed off and couldn't find anyone better to jump. It was usually the greaser girls. They didn't bother with Dally's girl too much or the broads the Shepard's was going with, but after that jumping they'd done to me and Johnny just a few months before, and the fact I'd punched one of the socy girls, they'd give me hell any time they saw me. I hadn't gotten jumped again, but I sure was scared I would. Now that I had a knife, I wasn't so worried.

Arnie told me how to hold it like I was threatening. Keep in mind, I'm not a real big person, so seeing a girl trying to scare someone off probably seemed more like a bluff than a real threat. This man was a real good guy. It made me mad my mom had cheated on him.

Of course I did tell him all about the guys. I told him I didn't like girls because they was always trying to get me to paint my nails and I didn't like that. I told them they were good to me, they were like my brothers. He asked for all their names and I told him: Ponyboy, the youngest; Johnny, the second youngest; Soda, who was older than me; Steve, who was next oldest, right behind Dally; Two-Bit, the second oldest; and Darry, the oldest of us all.

I told him how I'd met Sodapop and Steve when we were real little, in grade school. They played with me for awhile, until they got that idea of cooties. I punched the both of them and they said I was tuff and said I could hang out with them. After that, we just grew up together. He said they sounded like good guys and I told him they were.

Next, I told him about Ryan and how we were together, but we hadn't been talking much recently. I told him Ryan was just as good to me as the gang were because if he wasn't, all those guys would have his ass skinned in a minute. Arnie said he'd quite like to meet Ryan since he was dating me. It was alright. I told him fine.

During those weeks, my mom didn't seem to be getting worse. The only thing was, now that I knew she was sick, it was evident she was. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it before.

The little kids didn't know. Mom did end up telling them they'd be going somewhere else to live. She had to explain it in a way that a seven year old would understand. It didn't mean they did. I wouldn't have, either. This strange man is here and they're getting shipped off? I mean, I'd be confused, too.

I told Sodapop all about how I was in a real situation and followed up with the whole story. He didn't look like he knew what to do, but he sat there with me, especially when it sounded like I was about to cry. I hated crying.

"You know it's alright to cry sometimes," he said as I told him about my mama being sick. "You need it."

"I can't just cry."

"You can't just not cry. You stay strong too long, you break down in ways you didn't think you could."

I nodded. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

"If you ever wanna cry, don't be afraid to come cry on me. I don't care. I mean, I do care that you're crying because I hate seeing you upset, but I don't care why you're crying: you're hurt, you're scared, you lost your left shoe, I really truly don't care. I'm always here for you and I'm always gonna be here for you."

"Yeah, I know," I said. I smiled at him.

"You're stronger than you think," he said, returning the smile. "When you cry, it's not over one thing, it's because you've held in a lot of things for too long. I think it takes a helluva girl to be as strong as you. Sometimes you remind me of Darry. Except you know how to laugh at some banter every now and then."