The Diary of a Heartbreaker {Harry Styles}

Eight} Uncertain

Eight} Uncertain 

Shaylie's POV

As time passed I read more and more of Harry's diary. He didn't write all the time like some people would. There would entries for days in a row and then nothing for weeks. I guess it was all depending on what was going on in his life at the moment.

Some of the entries were really surprising too. There was a mixture of long, thoughtful ones and short, angry ones. Reading back to back made me think his emotions changed so often, when really it's natural for emotions to change to a daily basis.

There was an entry that stood out to me though.

October 21, 2009

One word to describe today would be uncertain. Everything about my life all of a sudden seemed to go from easy to unknown and extremely difficult. I wish I could tell someone how it started, but I don't know myself.

For starters, there's school. It's only October and the level of work has increased massively. Why teachers just start expecting more one day, I don't know. My grades aren't that bad, but I know I'm capable of more. I just can't find the drive to do it. All I feel I've been doing lately is singing. It calms me down and makes me feel better.

My mom heard me singing a Stevie Wonder song a few nights ago. When she came into my room I was embarrassed, but she said I had a lovely voice. I would like to think she's telling the truth, but I'm not sure. After all, moms tend to sugarcoat things.

There's also Thalia. We're still dating, but it's not the same anymore. I hate saying that because then everyone who doubted us would be right. I had too much pride to admit that they were. 

Lately we haven't seen each other a lot. She's busy doing what she wants and I'm doing what I want. I wish we had similar interests sometimes. Then we could see each other.

I don't know what to say except that I feel separated. And it sucks.

I never realized how much I need organization in my life. I thought I was a go with the flow kind of person when really I need everything planned out. I need that because everything else is unknown. I need some kind of stability, but I can't find it. I'll admit that it's very frustrating.

I talked to mom about this stuff. She said it was a part of growing up and if I want something to be different then I have to change it myself, not anyone else. I was disappointed when she said this, but I should have expected it. 

I'm 15 years old. I'm not a child anymore. No more worrying about recess or Legos. Now I was worrying about school, girls, and the future. I have to accept everything is changing.

Change is hard to accept though. When you've known something for your entire life you can't automatically accept it's going to be different soon. 

Sometimes I just don't know what to think about life. I hope this whole uncertain feeling goes away soon. I'm going to try my best to make it. 

In the mean time, I'm going to go listen to music and do make stack of homework ten miles high.

-HarryXx

So Harry was feeling the pressure of growing up. Well, welcome to the pressures of every teenager on the planet. What he was feeling was completely normal. It seems like there was no one to really help Harry though. He talked to his mom, but he was still alone. Nobody should be alone when they're struggling. 

I wish I could have helped Harry though all this uncertainty, but that would have been impossible. I was just a girl that lived in the same hometown as him. Despite being so close to a pop star at one time, I was far away now and even then. 

What I really wanted to know was if these feelings came back later and contributed to his reason for committing suicide. I wouldn't know until I finished the diary though.

+++++

A few days had past since I had read that entry in Harry's diary. His words were starting to become etched in my brain. It was such a different entry than his others that is was hard to not remember it. 

In the few days following I had read the next three entries and they took on a much different mood. Either that was because Harry was denying what was going on in his life or because he really was feeling more certain about what was going on.

I hoped it was the latter.

It was a Saturday night again and I was doing homework for my biology class. Once I had finished I decided I was going to read another entry of the diary. I wanted to get through it as fast as possible. I was quite curious about why Harry committed suicide. I mean, his life seemed to be going really well. 

I reached over to my side table where I had always kept the diary. When all my hand grasped was air, I panicked. I looked but the diary wasn't there. I hurriedly got up from my bed and started looking around my room. Maybe I had just misplaced it.

After a complete search of my bedroom I came to the conclusion that someone had taken the diary

And I knew just who it was too.

AN: Hi everyone! I updated! Yay! And technically it hasn't been a month... it was only like 27 days. Yeah. I tried my best.

Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter. It was a little bit different mood than the other chapters because this is where a lot of things start happening to Harry. And there's a cliffhanger! I know. If there's a cliffhanger that means I know what's going to happen in the next chapter. That means a faster update hopefully.

So yeah, have a good morning/afternoon/night and listen to Story of my Life by One Direction a million times. 

Happy early Halloween!

Stay beautiful,

XxLily

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