chapter four - heartless

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"It's better to just block everything and everyone out. It's easier that way."

Alpha Xavier's POV

Her eyes shined with undeniable sorrow, causing my wolf to whine, as if he were the one actually feeling the pain. There it was, the slight tug in my heart, a feeling I was unfamiliar with. Brushing it off, I regarded her feeble form, the ashen, ivory colour on her face that made her look even more languid than before.

A twinge of pain pulled my heartstrings; just looking at her weakened, fallible form. I scolded myself, ignoring the spark of energy that came alive when she was around, when she was anywhere near me. Clenching my jaw tightly, I placed the stony, emotionless mask back. It was only a matter of time before she would find out that I was inferior to any form of sentimental feelings.

I pushed my wolf to the back of my mind, focusing on the female rogue that dared pass through my land. Anger then rushed through me, at the thought of those vulgar, uncivilised creatures that roamed freely through the pack's territory. I remembered the times when I took pride and equanimity in killing them, ending their lives forever. It was memorable, and entertaining at the same time, no matter how repulsive it was to see the insides of their corpses spilling out.

Oh, how I loved the sensation when their pleading eyes lost the light behind them, rendering the emotions in their eyes gone, as they dissipated. Comforting contentment when they finally took their last breath, some still begging for mercy as my hands circled their throat. With a final crack, a final twist, a life is lost. It may have been repulsive, sickening to some, but it was solace for me.

"Look at me,"I spoke, gazing at her exquisite features, a sight to see. It wasn't just the irresistible pulchritude she had, but there was something more. Even in such a state, she was appealing to the eye. Such a shame, that it was wasted on a monster like me. A monster that was simply incompetent to emotions.

She didn't move. The presiding part of me growled at that, demanding for respect to be shown. I shouted at her, watching that expression cross her face again. Some part of me liked it. Something inside of me liked that she was afraid, that she was pushing aside her defiance, and that part of me made me hate myself.

I couldn't control it. Every time someone was in guttural pain, was showing submission, deep down, my beast was simply sighing in satisfaction. The devil in disguise inside of me loved when someone's heart was racing in fear, loving the horrifying feeling. If only the cursed would leave me alone.

My father always told me,'To love is to destroy. Having emotions will destroy you, and gives them an advantage. Show no emotions, and feel no pain. Show your emotions, and feel the pain. Feeling is to give someone the power to control you. Those who are heartless gain the most power, so listen to me.'

It is what I was raised to believe. Emotions makes us weak, feeble, a weakness that our enemies could easily manipulate. It's better to not feel, resulting for me to be the stone-cold monster that I am. I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know anything about emotions, and I wanted it to stay that way.

The girl in front of me, was just one of many others who had the unmistakable chance to meet the fury of my wrath. When I ordered my head warrior to do whatever he wanted with her, he obliged immediately. Something stopped me from killing her, though I didn't know what exactly did.

I just couldn't have control over the sadistic part of my mind, the marks from the fragments of my past. It infiltrated my heart with the demons under the raging storm. Now that I was broken, that I've felt too much, a jet black heart replaced the broken one. Yet, I couldn't control the raging fire of choler inside of me.

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