Monster

chapter ten - bleed

"we aren't always what we seem to be."

I sat in the waiting room once again, waiting patiently for her to come out safe and sound, though I knew that wasn't likely. Worry for the girl I never cared about plagued my mind as I got more and more overwrought every fleeting second. The chair I was sitting on screeched as I shook my legs in expectancy, brooding over the state of her health. 

A flashback ran through my mind, of the cuts on her arm. Those spiralling lines of white lodged into her skin, marks of her past.  I knew something was up, but I didn't know it was this bad. And no, I'm not going to say that it's sick, or disgusting, but I just wanted to know why. Why she would have put herself through another round of pain.  

Perhaps we both fought our monsters differently. The way my father forced me to cope with my anguish was agonising, but it taught me a lesson. And from then on, I couldn't feel the pain anymore. No matter how hard he hit me, no matter how unbearable it was, I couldn't feel it. The fact that I no longer paid any consideration to emotions, helped me. It made me realise that if I didn't care for anything, I wouldn't feel anything in return. 

I couldn't love her. I was heartless. 

**********

I looked out the window wistfully, watching the other kids playing along with each other, having fun.  My definition of fun wasn't the same as theirs. Since I was born to take the high title of an Alpha, I had to go through the right training along with it, starting from a ridiculously young age. Smiles planted on their faces as they joked around, doubling over in a horde of laughs. Groups of them were huddled around each other, the girls giggling whilst the boys ran around, chasing each other. 

I wanted to rebel against those meaningless rules my father had set before me; my mom always on his side. The pack knew about the harsh ways that he used, but didn't dare interfere, in fear of the consequences. I had learnt my lesson when he gave me a harsh beating for not doing what I had been told. This left me a few cracked ribs, a bruised jaw, and a knife wound on my stomach.

That did the trick. I always obeyed his instructions; scared of the consequences if I didn't.

Seeing that I was not using my free time 'properly', my father walked towards me, saying,"Go, to the training room. Now."  A furious expression crossed his eyes, annoyance evident in his tone of voice. I went there, where we began training. Battle tactics, defense and attack moves, the best way to murder your opponent, etc. Sweat dripped down my face, glistening under the flickering lights of the room. My stomach churned in response to the punches thrown by the man I called my father. 

He flashed me a sweetly bitter smile, before holding me up by my collar. His jaw clenched, tensing up as a muscle in his jaw twitched. His smile morphed into a wicked scowl, as I watched him throw his fist back and for stars to immediately dance into my vision. The world spun into vertigo as I crouched on my knees in pain. 

"I want you to get angry. Feel the rage, the adrenaline that passes through your body that alerts it. You are weak, son. Look at you, unable to fight back, squirming like an untrained pack member. The only thing that will do you good is anger. Let go of your emotions, all your feelings, and all that will make you a real man." 

A tinge of hurt, and rage swept through me, but it wasn't enough for him; he wanted more. "I will train you, the way that all Alphas should be trained. Brutally. Remember this. To have emotions, is to destroy your entire being. To love is to destroy. To care, is to be weak. And to be loved, is to be destroyed." He punched me in the face, throwing hit after hit, as I tried to stand up and defend myself.