Silence // a TØP fan-fiction

chapter 4 // and now we just sit in silence

They woke up early the next morning and Josh's head was pounding. He opened his eyes to the loud commotion happening through the bus. They had arrived to their destination and everyone was slowly carrying things off the bus.

"Come on man, get up." One of the crewmembers, Robin kicked him playfully and Josh groaned as he rolled over. He rummaged through the bunk in search for his phone and finally uncovered it under blankets. It was 6:40 am and he was not happy about it. His arms ached and he knew it wasn't from playing the drums. Josh went into the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror. Remnants of sleep were still evident in the crinkles of his eyes and in his hair. He moved closer to the mirror and saw something that swelled panic in him; a small red dot right beneath his hairline, above his right eyebrow. He smeared it with his finger and realized it was dried blood. Josh turned on the faucet and began scrubbing his face and his hands and his hair and his fingers, everything.

There was a rapid knock on the door that made Josh jump and he yelled, "Just a minute!"

"Josh, open up. It's me." Tyler said from the other side and Josh unlocked it. Tyler squeezed in beside Josh and shut the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" Tyler asked looking at Josh who now looked like a drowned rat.

"I...I had blood." Josh stuttered and began drying off.

"Okay. We have to be careful next time." Tyler whispered and Josh looked up at him with shock written all over his face.

"What do you mean next time?"

"Josh, you knew when you picked up that shovel that this was something we could no longer undo." Tyler lowered his voice and then said, "We killed someone. This time on purpose."

"You said it yourself, this changes everything." Tyler patted his friend on the shoulder and opened the door, letting himself out.

Josh stood alone facing the mirror trying to quiet his trembling. What have they started?

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

The arena in Pittsburgh was amazing. Tyler and Josh stepped into the now empty space and smiled.

"This is gonna be amazing!" Tyler yelled raising his hands towards the sky. Josh laughed a wrapped his arm around his best friend. The earlier morning frantics seemed to dissipate as the two stood in front of their favorite view and took it all in. 

When it was time for the show Tyler had nothing else running through his mind but what was ahead. He paced back and forth backstage cracking his knuckles and staring at his shoes. Flashbacks of last night coursed through him but he couldn't afford to get tied in that again. He turned to his left and saw Josh fixing his balaclava. The music behind the curtain was booming and he allowed it to fill him.

"Let's do this." Josh mouthed at Tyler and the crew members gave them a thumbs up. They bumped fists and ran to their spots on stage. Josh was behind his beloved drumset and that's the only thing that made sense to him at the moment. 

They played through their set, shedding layer of clothing and shifting positions on the stage. Then the stage dimmed and Tyler sat behind the piano with his black balaclava on. The oh so familiar tune began and Tyler leaned in towards the mic, "I ponder of something great // my lungs will fill and then deflate"

He heard the shrill screams from the stage and he felt Josh's eyes on him from across the stage, but for the first time this song was a memory. 

"I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence"

He felt a different sort of strength sweep through him and Tyler understood that Josh was right: everything is different now. What they had done could not be taken back. What they did could not end: this was going to start something.