I'm laying in bed staring at the ceiling again, the light from the moon shinning through my window is the only sign of life in my room, I just laid there in the darkness; numbness have taken over for the past hour and a half. Now the tears are threatening to spring from my eyes, I instantly wiped them away.
'I am strong ! I can do this on my own, I don't need to cry, I'm a big girl now.'
I heard a hesitant knock on my door, kinda like the person was debating on staying or leaving. It took every ounce of my energy to get up and unlock the door; but regretted once I saw who it was. My mother stood on the other end trying to smile at me, but I furred my brows and frowned at her.
I think she's getting the message, her smile just fell. Wonder if she can turn around now and leave me the hell alone.
Whatever I was wishing for, sure as hell ain't coming through because my mother came in and took a seat, a bit hesitant at first, but she's well seated now. I can see the rapid raising and falling of her chest.
As I look at her in the dark room, I can't stop myself from being angry at her; my jaws clenched, my teeth edged, my fist double and every hair on my body at a stand still.
"What do you want?" I said as calm as I could.
But I guess I wasn't calm enough, because my mom just shook her head, tears streaming down her tinted cheeks, her once dark complexion is now pale, she looks so fragile; so vulnerable.
But I can't help myself from being mad at her, she cause this upon herself, upon me, upon my sister.
"He didn't mean it you know" she said this in a hushed tone.
And that's when I realized I extremely angry I was; That's when I lost it all together.
"What the hell?" I said extremely aggravated with my voice raised.
"He hit you in front of your kids; his kids, not once ! Not twice ! But uncountable times, and you're gonna sit there and tell me he didn't mean it!" I literally growled before I continued.
"All these years I thought we needed a father, but I guess we're also desperately in need of a mother too" I screamed bluntly
"Don't you dare Shania! Don't you dare speak to me in that tone, I am still your mother; and you will respect that" she said with tears.
"Ha! You are so pathetic" I said before continuing
"Mother? You call yourself a mother? I cry myself to sleep every freaking night after I hold my sister and assure her I'll take care of her, we watch our father hit you for years, and every time the cops come to that door; we watch you lie to them. So you want to talk about being a mother? A mother would've left! A mother would've protected her children, a mother would've faced the music and saw that her time was up with this 'MAN' she claims to loved so dearly, so no I won't respect you for being a 'mother', because you don't respect yourself enough to go for your true worth; and you'll never be our mother until you do" tears finally pushing on my lashes like bullets from a gun and streaming down my cheeks.
"You're a sad excuse for a woman and even a sadder excuse for a 'MOTHER'" with that said she just got up and stormed out of my room in tears not even standing up for herself.
And to say she thinks she's a mother, how pathetic!
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أدب المراهقينShania Allison , 17 years old and lost to the world, hurt and deceit is all she knows and all she bounds herself to believe in. But with two kick ass best friends Jammie And Emma; they seem to always prove her wrong and show her there's HOPE. But th...
