CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Delva has prepared a magnificent breakfast. She's made this coffee and milk concoction she calls "café con leche" and tells me to dip my "pan cubano" in it. The taste deters my daunting mood. There's a ceramic bowl filled with homemade things that look like stubby fingers with breadcrumbs on them. She calls them "croquetas."
Surprisingly enough, I'm feeling starved and dig right in. The mood is strange—we're all pretending that everything's normal, but given the reality of the situation, our forced small talk is more uncomfortable than it is comforting.
"So ..." Perry says.
"You guys," I say, "you don't need to do this. I'll be fine."
Everyone is exchanging glances—Ralph to Jeanie, Jeanie to Perry, Dakota to Delva, Mario to Jeanie. I almost want to laugh.
"Really, guys, I mean it."
"Gavin," Ralph starts, "we'll find a way to make this work. We'll make the exchange for Edwin but we're also going to get you back. Dakota and Perry will be following you guys closely, so we'll know where you're at."
"But we will be back to get you," Jeanie adds.
"Yeah, there's no way we're going to let you out of our sight," Perry puts in.
I want to pull at my hair and scream out that it's all pointless. But when I look around at all of them, up and peer at each of them, all I see is the strain and the pain in their eyes and all over their faces. I forget that this is no easier for them than it is for me. So I decide to do the right thing. I fold.
"Okay," I say. "Okay."
And with that, everyone is relieved for just a few minutes. Everyone but Dakota. I've already figured out that she can read me like nobody else can. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's not buying it. She knows better, and she knows I know.
But for the rest of breakfast, I put on my best happy face. When their rescue mission fails, at least when they get together they'll be able to say things like, "Well, thankfully the last time we were together he was happy." Things like that always make people feel better.
I make sure I look hopeful, optimistic, determined. But inside, I'm withering away. The last leaf on an autumn tree waiting to be permanently blown away.
I know there's no hope.
After breakfast, while I'm in Mario's room collecting my bag, the door flies open and he stomps in.
"Ralph's not gonna let me ride with you guys to drop you off."
"I know. I'm the one who told him to do that."
"Why the hell?"
"Because I don't trust these people. And if they try something, you're gonna need to be here
for Jeanie, and for your parents, when they return. That was the agreement from the beginning, remember?"
"Damn it! Yeah, I guess you're right..."
"Did you just admit that I'm right?"
"Consider it a parting gift."
"But I thought you were coming back for me?" I tease.
"That's not what I meant."
"Joke. It's a joke."
He hesitates. "Hey ... just in case anything happens—Not that it will, but just in case."
I laugh. "Yeah, 'just in case.'"
"Dude, this is a moment—don't ruin it."
"All right, all right. Sorry."
"If something does happen—which, again, I know it won't ... just know that I'll take care of Edwin like he's my own."
I smile sadly. "I know you will."
"And ... I meant it when I said you're family. Not just because of the crazy situation. You're a good guy. Stupid as rocks when it comes to making decisions, but a good guy." He grins. "I'm gonna to miss you, man. Who else do I know who's great at throwing up on people in clubs." He laughs, and then steps in and gives me a bear hug.
I hug him too, then step back and swallow hard. "I'm really sorry for everything. I know it's been a mess, but know that I'd never change meeting you guys. And, I know it sounds lame, but I've gotta tell you, just in case I don't have the chance to say it again. You really are the first best friend I've had. And you've been a really good one. And I'm gonna miss you, too. All of you guys."
As I turn to pick up my bag, he shakes his head. "No. Not lame at all."
