Broken- A Hunger Games Fanfic

Chapter 15:

TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM/SUICIDAL ACTIONS

I got up and turned the radio in the room on loud. The song Tourniquet by Evanescence was on. I curled up into a ball in the corner, crying as I listened to the lyrics.

---Lyrics---

"I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more. (So much more). I lay dying, and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'M DYING. PRAYING. BLEEDING. AND SCREAMING. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too LOST?! My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation. My God my tourniquet, return to me salvation. Do you remember me? Lost for so long. Will you be on the other side or will you forget me?! IM DYING. PRAYING. BLEEDING. AND SCREAMING.  Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too LOST?! // I WANT TO DIE! My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation. My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation. My wounds cry for the grave. My soul cries for deliverance. Will I be DENIED? Christ, tourniquet, my suicide." (The // meant I skipped some of the song.)

---End of song---

I stayed there, singing the song quietly until it ended. Another song called Whisper came on.

"I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away..." I heard. I love Evanscence because it seems they know how I feel. A few minutes later, I heard a loud bang on the door. "Katniss, open the door!" Gale yelled over the music. "Um, just a minute, I'm uh... In the bathroom. Just wait!" I yelled, wrapping my arm again, the fresh wounds still burning like fire.  I turned the music down a little. I padded over to the door, opening it. "What's up?" I sighed, forcing a smile. "We'll, I thought I heard crying in there so... I wanted to see if you were ok" he explained. "Oh, that... Yeah.... I was crying" I admitted. "Why? Is it because of Prim? Or what? You can tell me" he said. "No, it wasn't because of Prim... It's just I... Well... It's dumb" I forced an embarassed smile. "Tell me. I won't laugh. I promise" he answered. "Ok, um... Well you probably heard the music playing... And it just was so emotional, I cried. Simple as that" I stated. "Hm... Why don't I believe that?" He asked, staring right into my soul. "I don't know... Why don't you? I'm not lying to you" I shrugged. "Can I see how your arm looks?" He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. "Um... No.... That's not a good idea Gale... It's ok... I just... Don't want you freak out about it. It looks worse than it is" I said, trying to swallow the nervousness that was surfacing in my voice. "Ok... Well... Just let me take a peek" he insisted. "Gale, no" I sighed. I tried to close the door to my room but Gale stopped it with his hand. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Gale, I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine. I promise" I said nervously. He didn't say anything, he just took my left arm and started unwrapping the bandage. "GALE! NO! STOP!" I screeched, trying to pull my arm away. He continued to unwrap the gauze. "STOP!" I begged loudly. He didn't listen. He finished unwrapping my bandage and he saw my scars. "Katniss... What are these?" Gale asked concerned. I swallowed. "I told you, I fell on glass" I croaked out. "Glass doesn't make these kind of cuts, these are razor and knife cuts. Intentional cuts" he didn't take his eyes off of my arm. "Gale, I-" "save it Katniss. You said you weren't cutting. You said you were ok" he looked directly into my eyes now. "I... I... I'm sorry Gale, I just... I mean... It's... It's a release..." I mumbled. Gale just sighed in response, kissed each one of my scars, let go of my arm making it go back to my side, and walked out of the room, giving me a sad look and sighing again. I stared at the door until Effie came in. "What's the matter?" She asked. "I... Um... Nothing... I just am having some coping issues with my little sister's death. And um... Well... Here, look for yourself" I sighed, holding my arm out for Effie to see. "Oh my, why..." She trailed off. "I can't live without her" I explained. "Oh" is all Effie said. Then she turned around and walked away. I closed and locked the door. "Katniss, stop cutting. It isn't good for you. Please. For me. I'm in a better place now" I heard her voice. "Prim?" I croaked. "I'm here Katniss. I'll always be with you" I heard Prim's voice again. I huddled in the corner. I squeezed my eyes shut, a few minutes later opening them. When I opened them, I saw Prim standing there, reaching out to me. I grabbed for her hand, but missed it. "Prim" I muttered. She started to fade. "NO! STAY WITH ME!" I cried. "I'm sorry Katniss. I can't. I have to go. I'll talk to you as soon as possible" she said, fading away even more. "Love you Katniss. Don't forget it" she smiled. She looked so happy. "Prim, I love you too. That's why you need to stay" I cried more. "I know. But I can't" she said sadly, fading more until she was completely gone. I sobbed hysterically, standing up and walking to the bathroom in my room. I closed and locked the door. I rummaged through the medicine cabinet. I couldn't find what I was looking for. I walked out of my room, finding Effie watching TV. "Um, Effie? Can I have some painkillers? My arm really hurts" I said innocently. She sighed but got up. She came back 2 minutes later with a glass of water and some pills. "Can I... Have the bottle? Ya know... In case I need them?" I asked sweetly. "Sure dear. Hold on" she said, leaving and returning with the whole bottle. "Thank you" I smiled, taking the water and the bottle of pills. I walked to my room. I sat on the bed, the music turned up again. This time "My Last Breath" by evanescence was on. It must be an evanescence station. I sighed heavily, took a deep breath, and opened the bottle, tears spilling over my eyelids and onto my cheeks. "Here we go... See you soon Prim... And dad. I'm really sorry mom" I muttered. I took a bunch of pills from the bottle, bringing them into my mouth and taking a big sip of water to wash them down. I choked on my tears as I did. I closed my eyes, swallowing the pills. I started to feel weird. Dizziness made the room and my head spin. My vision became fuzzy. All the sounds around me were now muffled, as if I was listening from underwater. I heard the door open and I realized I had forgotten to lock it. I saw Gale's eyes go wide as he saw me. I dropped the bottle of the remaining pills and they fell to the ground. I felt the water fall out of my hand. "I- I'm... S-so S-sor-sorry" I said weakly as Gale ran over to me. "L-leave me. I w-want t-to do this" I stuttered weakly. I heard is urgent voice but it sounded distant. I saw a bright light as I felt Gale pick me up off the bed. I was so close. So close to seeing Prim and dad. I only had a little further. A little longer and I'd be gone.

N/A: WILL SHE DIE? OR WILL SHE BE SAVED?