My Best Friend, The Bad Boy

21 | Confusing Feelings, Funny Smiles & All

Kaillie Adams: (not edited)

It has almost been the entire school week and I haven't talked to Carter once. As much as I may not want to admit it, I miss him. I'd noticed that he's been hanging out with Sara at a lot of the lunch breaks since I've created the current awkwardness, and I really need to stop it. I shouldn't have kissed him, I really shouldn't have. Especially considering that I wasn't even sober when I did it. Like why did my drunk self have to put my sober self in this position? Damn desires. Too late to do anything about it now but try to fix it.

After I eat dinner, I text him and ask if he wants to meet me at our spot in the park, hoping that he accepts. I would much prefer this out in the clear so we can finally get through this. The week has felt longer than most because of his absence.

He accepts, and I'm off to the park after I grab a coat. On the way there, I notice that it's a little colder than I thought it was going to be. Turning around and going home to grab more clothes crosses my mind, but it's not an option right now. The most important thing right now is clearly everything up with Carter and ultimately get my best friend back.

As I approach, I see his figure sitting on our bench with a dark jacket on, mitts, and a beanie covering his hair. He looks warmer than I do. I sit down beside him, starting a conversation the only way I know how. "Hi," I say quietly, casting a glance over at him.

"Hi," he replies, looking over at me too before adding a soft smile to his expression. It becomes amused when he notices my apparel, or more likely lack thereof. "I see that you still don't have the whole dressing-for-the-weather thing down yet."

"It hasn't even been a week," I tell him, "You can't expect me to have improved that much, as at all." A slightly crooked smile has made its way onto my face as well now. Silently, he digs into his jacket pockets and puts out a pair of light mitts, handing them to me. "Thanks," I say as I take them, a warm feeling coming over my cheeks, "Somehow you always know that I'll forget them."

"And somehow I always have them," he replies, still amused, "It's almost like they're in my pocket just for you." We sit in silence for a moment after that, just taking in each other's company and staring ahead of where we are sitting. Almost all the trees in the park have just about lost their leaves, and they're all exposed in the early November weather, like a person's true feelings as opposed to what they show everyone. The silence is a little bleak in its nature though. It's almost as if we are like the trees in this quiet moment; exposed and a little bit vulnerable. The next words spoken could change us in ways that could make or break us. Now it's a question of finding the right words, the ones that will restore us, I suppose.

The silence continues, until it seems to become suffocating, perhaps even colder than the chilly air around us. It's like a string that is getting pulled too tightly, and could easily break if it's pulled anymore. I can't let it be pulled anymore. "I'm sorry," I say, shattering the stark silence with my two words.

"For what?" he asks, turning his head so he can look at me. His eyes have this strange look to them, something that I haven't really seen before. I can't tell what he's feeling right now. His usually crystal-clear blue eyes have seemingly become this murky water that I can't see through.

My eyes connect with his just as I am about to explain my apology. "For kissing you when I was drunk. I wasn't in the right mindset. And I'm especially sorry that I was confused when it was brought up the next day because that just made it more awkward," I sigh, pushing the words out of my throat. "Basically, I'm just sorry for this awkwardness I created between us," I finish with the hope that he accepts it. I want this awkwardness gone, and even though I like him that's not important right now. What's important right now is to get back to a place where we can still hangout and be friends, without the awkwardness and the confusing thoughts. I treasure this friendship, I don't want to lose him.