,Dear future husband,
I see you faceless, nameless yet Every moment when I am in joy and see something so beautiful and I carve to share it with someone and Every moment when I am drowned in grief And can't voice it to anyone. Those times I just look up the colorful sky and Call out to the creator of it, I ask him for you because yoou see I trust him whole heartedly. I love him more than any soul. At least I try to. I tell him. I talk to him. I express him how much I yearn for you. How much I feel that void for your presence in me. And how much I cringe about them.
I may sound a clumsy and desperate teenager by words, but No. I have been said teenage is an age of hormones and emotions. A person carves for attractions and feelings in this age.
That's what is happening to me, it just depends upon how I choose to react to these emotions. Weather I go online stalk immature boys for dating or I choose to close myself more to them and haunt for the real you. The one who will be worth my value. Yes. I have chosen the latter. The former despise me for its nothing but a fatal delusion
I don't ask for a Million dollar car and a big bungalow, All I Desire is that you possess that more than a million dollar Deen in you, The Taqwa And Sunnah.
I am not asking that you should be the handsomest Person ever on the planet. No, how can I even? just look at me a creepy and clumsy, but All I want you To Adopt the style of our Nabi Kareem SAW outwardly and inward with passion. Oh how I dream that you be an Ba Amal Alim♡
But ! How mad I Am to wish for someone faar from my reach. Being a filthy sinner how can I ask for someone so pure and pious.
But you know what I just yearn for someone like that only because if my partner has those qualities I would have a company of pious and that would inshaAllah make me strive on the samepath and inshaaAlllah Allah pak will help us to work to increase our deen together. Help ourselves and the ummah! that is what our ultimate goal of life is. InshaAllah Ta'ala
And whenever I sin , I feel disgusted for myself. I feel I am unworthy of painting your such image in my mind, so pure and clean💝
The Ayah saying (paraphrased) good men are for good women ... Echoes in my brain which yells at me furiously.
I feel not deserving of someone what I have dreamt of. Someone I yearn for.
Oh then I satisfy the self by quoting how Gafoor Our Lord is! I am trying and he can see it and as surely my mum would never abandon me , how can He, the one who loves me more than 70 such mothers?
No I am not doing it for the sake of the pious partner, even though many times I am unsure Of myself, I do it for Him swt, I want to make myself how he wants me to be. I dont want to be embaress on the day I finally met the glorious him SWT💝
Until then.
Assalamualaikum
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Unsent Letters
SpiritualA young girl Who Gives Her inner most hidden desires A picture painted by words. Words, heart wishes To speak, Yearns to give those thoughts a voice. A book which feels.
