I Hope You Don't Regret Me (sequel to Bedless) | kellic (boyxboy)

six

listen to this song while reading pls i love u babies

also prepare to be sad thanks
°
"He's going to come back. He isn't gone forever. He didn't leave. He didn't leave. He did-"

I was interrupted by the door to my room being opened. I was trying to convince myself that Vic would be back.

"You feeling okay?" Jenna asked. She came over and sat on the bed next to me. I sat up and looked at her, nodding slowly.

"Yeah, I'm alright." I mumbled.

A month. It had been a month since Vic fucked me and left me for the second time. He said he'd be back and he wasn't here. I was heartbroken. Nothing new.

"You're lying, Kell." Jenna said softly, her eyes held with worry.

"No I'm not." I told her. "He'll be back. He said he would."

She looked down and sighed quietly. "Hun, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, Jenna! He wouldn't lie to me again! He wouldn't, okay?!" I yelled. I wasn't sure why I was so triggered by her words, but I wanted to believe myself so badly that I was angry that she tried to change my mind.

"Kellin, calm down, please." She still looked worried.

"I am calm! I'm perfectly fine! Why is everyone so sympathetic for me?" I cried. "Why- why do they think I'm insane?!"

I wasn't normal at all but I wanted to believe that just to save myself. I was insane and it wasn't Vic's fault. I was tearing myself apart.

Perhaps I still am.

"Kellin, I think you need some alone time." She spoke sadly.

"Of course you're leaving me. Everyone does." I said, turning away from her.

She simply sighed and left the room. I stayed dead silent in my room for the rest of the day. I stared up at the ceiling and imagined stars filling the sky. By the time the actual night came, I had been completely emotionless.

And I was okay with that.

I would say that I woke up the next morning but in order to wake up, you have to fall asleep. I hadn't slept at all the previous night. I missed sleep. I missed Vic and sleep.

I felt pale and dull. My mouth was dry and my eyes ached to close, but even if they did, nothing would happen. In fact, I tried so hard to sleep that I ended up laying on the bed with my eyes shut for multiple hours. But nothing came out if it.

I heard a knock on my door and knowing that Jenna would just walk in, I groggily got up, hoping that Vic would be outside.

I opened the door slowly and just as I hoped, he was standing there looking at me with less emotion on his face than myself.

"Where were you?" I whispered. I didn't even have enough energy to speak normally.

It was after he didn't respond that I realized something was wrong. He was looking through me.

"Vic?" I spoke softly.

He just stayed still. I reached out for him but I felt nothing. He wasn't there. I was hallucinating.

I gasped and backed away into my room, slamming the door shut.

Was he even real in the first place? Did I make him up entirely? I had felt his touch in so many ways. He had to be real. It didn't make any sense.

"Kellin! Are you okay?" I heard a familiar voice run into my room?

I turned around and looked at Jenna deep in the eyes with a hurt voice. "I don't understand this. Is this how it is?"

"What's going on, love?"

"I saw him. He was there!" I tried to explain. "I'm going crazy! Vic- he...he was there!"

"It's okay, Kell. You're gonna be okay." She hugged me tightly as I sobbed.

If I thought I was bad before, I was surely worse now.

I had forgotten what a smile was. I wanted to be beat to my death by Vic as long as I could see him again. I was numb to the pain now, anyway.

I tried to push away the thoughts of ending it all, but I couldn't because they were so blatant and...real. I wanted to die. I didn't want an afterlife, either. I just wanted to be gone completely.

Where was he?

Why did he leave?

I thought this was it. I thought now I could be happy.

Why wasn't anything going the way I wanted it to? The way I needed it to?

°
A week later I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor. I was once again drenched in water, fully clothed. I never bothered to do anything right anymore. Or anything at all.

I didn't eat. I sure as hell didn't sleep. I did nothing.

Except for think.

That's all I fucking did and it was disgustingly horrifying. It was so hard to handle. My thoughts were absolutely fucking stomach-churning. They were wretched and could give the world nausea.

My hair was matted up. My eyes had turned gray. Almost clear. Same thing with my skin. Except for some of the bruises. In some places, Vic had bruised me so badly that they were permanent. Every time I saw them, I'd smile. There was no glow on my skin. I looked like a bad drawing in pencil. No color whatsoever.

I hadn't spoke since my hallucination. I was afraid to hear my own voice because I was afraid that I had lost the color in that, too.

I had decided that even having Vic back wouldn't help at this point.

They say the climb is so much better than the ending of it all, but I had already made the climb. I fully made it. But I fell right back down to the bottom. Even lower. I was fully underground and buried in sadness.

But I didn't mind.

I'd die of sadness and that was okay.

°
my poor baby boy needs help ):

vic will b back

but will it even matter?

will kellin make it that long?

what do u think is gonna happen?

also happy 4th of july im afraid of fireworks

love,
kellin 🌌💙