Requested by Billie (HoodxMahone).
Hope you enjoy it and thank you for sending in a request! :)
also just wanted to add this note: this imagine does discuss eating disorders (specifically, bulimia), body image, bullying, and mental illness - if you are easily triggered please be cautious and/or don't read this specific imagine. for those wondering or unsure, bulimia is an eating disorder in which one consumes extreme amounts of food, followed by self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting. please always feel free to contact me if you need help or advice with anything. love you all. x
My entire childhood I was bullied. Whether it be for my weight, my height, my eyes... people always found ways and reasons to mock me.
So I changed myself. I dyed my hair, wore coloured contacts, lost weight -- I did everything I could to make myself beautiful. But I still never felt good enough. When I was 16 I developed bulimia. My parents knew, and they took me into see a therapist. When I turned 18, I decided to stop going, seeing as my parents could no longer force me to go. I continued my path, and told my parents I was getting better -- which was a lie for the most part.
I began dating Calum when I was 18, over a year ago. He never knew about my problem, and I never intended for him to discover.
He always thought I had a fast metabolism, considering how thin I stayed despite my food consumption.
We were sat at the kitchen table, enjoying a nice lunch together. His phone went off with a text. He glanced at it quickly, sighing shortly after.
"Babe, I'm gonna have to go into the studio," he said. We had planned to spend the day together. "We need to look over yesterday's recording -- I guess there was a problem with it."
"That's fine, babe," I smiled, grabbing his hand. "I understand."
He grinned, giving my hand a squeeze, "You're amazing, you know?"
I flicked my hair over my shoulder sarcastically. "I know."
He laughed, standing up and grabbing both our empty plates, walking back into the kitchen with them. I heard him place them in the sink, then walking back over to me. I stood up, wrapping my arms around him tightly.
"I'll be back as soon as I get out," he mumbled, kissing the top of my head.
I walked him over to the door, giving him a sweet kiss as he grabbed his shoes.
"I'll see you later," he beamed, kissing my forehead.
"See you later."
I closed the door behind him, instantly feeling the bomb of food in my stomach. I walked up to our bedroom, passing Calum's bass guitar that leaned against the grey wall. I trudged into our en suite bathroom, flipping up the toilet seat and dropping to my knees.
I gagged as my fingers jabbed the back of my throat a few times, but soon felt the vile spewing from the back of my mouth. The familiar barren feeling took over as I emptied my stomach.
"Billie?"
I froze, my heart pounding. I didn't move. But he did.
He jerked my body backwards, pulling me away from the toilet.
I couldn't see him but I knew he was running his hands through his hair, a nervous habit he did often.
I heard his loud steps walk away for a short moment, only to return seconds later. A blanket was draped over my shoulders and his arms were around me shortly after, carrying me to the bed.
He didn't say anything. I didn't either. He walked back into the bathroom and I soon heard the toilet flush.
He walked back into the room. His deep brown eyes meeting my bloodshot ones.
"I forgot my bass," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.
"Cal..."
"Why?"
I gulped, looking down at my lap, pulling the blanket tighter around me.
"There's lots of reasons..."
"Then tell me the reasons."
"But you need to go to the studio..."
"Fuck the studio, fuck the album, fuck all of that. All I care about right now is you."
He walked over to our bed, sitting next to me.
"Talk to me, Billie. Please."
I told him everything I had been hiding for so long.
He was holding my shaking body by the end, running his fingers through my hair.
"We're gonna get you better, alright? I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get you healthy. Baby steps, darling. Baby steps. We'll get you there."
I could only nod, too emotional over how amazing he was reacting to respond.
