The Reject

The brightest and most beautiful star

The last few days have been torture and I've tried everything, to get him to talk to me.

He has ignored and avoided me all week - my texts, my calls, I've gone to his house everyday to see if he was there, I've looked for him in the halls, and I tried to talk to him during the class we have together, I've even tried talking to his teachers. So far I've had no luck. 

I feel so hopeless and so worried about our friendship that I didn't show up to school today. I haven't eaten, I haven't slept. I've just been so consumed in it all, that I have forgotten to take care of myself and I have resulted in having multiple breakdowns. 
I dragged my body out of bed when my head stopped pounding at 6pm today to get some food in my system and then up the stairs to the bathroom to shower. I sat on the shower floor and more tears came to my eyes. Only thing to motivate me to shower recently is, when I'm in there I can't tell the difference between who's water is who's. 

All of my thoughts have become warped and negative. I keep telling myself that I will never have anymore friends because I don't deserve to keep them and that I will never fall in love. I keep telling myself that I'm worthless and I sadly am starting to give into these thoughts and believe every word.

Luckily, my mother came and knocked on the bathroom door telling me that I had been in there for an hour. I built up the strength and told her what was going on with Ashton and what was going on in my head. Even though I was dripping wet and in a towel my mother gave me a giant bear hug. She told me that I was important to her and a few other things to boost my self confidence. She also said if he was a true friend and if I had tried everything to apologize, then he would come around himself. I thanked my mom for always being there for me.

Because I have spent the majority of this week in my room when I wasn't at school, my room has become a danger zone. I threw on some warm comfy clothes and started cleaning up. When I was just about finished accidentally stepped on a Polaroid photo of Ashton and I. I gave it a hard look. Both of us are laughing at something he had said. My eyes are shut and my head is thrown back in a fit of laughter. I can see in his eyes that he is looking at me, and I can tell he is truly happy. His sister had snapped the photo of us the other day and gave it to me to keep. It was crinkled now but I decided to pin it on my bulletin board.

A brilliant idea had suddenly popped into my mind and I felt a glimmer of hope that it just might work. Happiness had washed over me and a huge smile adorned my face. I grabbed a blanket off my bed and threw it around my shoulders. I walked to my bedroom window and climbed out sitting on the roof. I whipped my phone out of my sweatpants and texted him.

Mia :) : The offer is still up for stargazing if your interested. :)

I closed my phone and lied down looking up at the sky. I draped the blanket over my body and put my hands behind my head as a pillow. The sun was setting and the stars were starting to peak through. No matter how hard I tried, my mind kept wandering back to Ashton. My eyes started to close and I had dozed off.

When I woke, I felt a ghost like kiss on my forehead and the blanket around me was being pulled to my right slightly. I slowly opened my eyes to see him lying beside me under the blanket. My heart fluttered and a huge smile crept up on my face. I hid my smile immediately with the blanket. "Hi, Ash." I whispered. He turned his head to look at me and rolled over on his side. His eyes were soft and I could faintly smell his cologne. His hair fell over his forehead and his glasses were slightly crooked on his face from lying on his side. He had a faint smile on his face that I could tell he was trying to control. "How long have you been here?" I asked speaking up a little. "Not too long, I got here about 10 minutes ago. Your mom let me in." He said speaking in a raspy voice.

My heart did a flip from seeing him so close and hearing his tired voice. His curly mop was pushed back with a bandanna and looked all cuddly in his sweats and hoodie.  I gave myself a pep talk and quickly planned what I was going to say but instead I went against it and spilled my feelings out. "Ash.. I shouldn't have held back my feelings, and I should have just told you the truth." I looked away from him but my emotions caught up with me and I started to get choked up a little. "I'm so sorry for not being a good enough friend.." I whimpered. I could see his emotions starting to droop when I looked at him with sad eyes. "I.. really needed you, and I thought that I had lost you Ash." I told him wiping at the tear springing from my eye. "I'm sorry too Mia.." he whispered pulling me in to his chest. "I'm sorry ..for my actions this week.." he spoke, gently rubbing my back. I could feel his heartbeat quickening which assured me how he felt. He pulled back from our embrace and I looked up at him. "Mia, I don't want you to hide how you feel anymore. And I don't want to hide my feelings for you either." He searched my eyes for any sort of answer. I told him that I promise I wouldn't hide it anymore. A smile broke out on my face and I didn't attempt to cover myself when I blushed like crazy. "Mia, your so beautiful..." he whispered looking into my eyes. I looked back up at him into his hazel eyes and I gave him a shy thank you. "You know, we should come up here more often! Do you think it would be safe to bring up an air mattress?" Ashton asked curiously. I shook my head and laughed a little too hard and accidentally snorted which caused him to laugh as well.

"Ash.. can I tell you something? " He responded to me by nodding. My heart started racing and I quickly became nervous. "The reason I bumped into Bianca on the first day was because I was staring at you... I thought and still think you are so handsome. And now that I got to know you I've realized how amazing of a friend you are, I kind of fell for you." I said smoothly. His eyes lit up and a huge grin spread across his face. "Really? You mean it?" he said in a surprised tone. "I just.. never thought I would have any sort of chance with you Ash.. that's why I didn't want to tell you." I responded.

We both lie looking at the stars and his hand wrapped around my body pulling me into him. He tilted my chin in his free hand making me look into his eyes again. "Mia, can I see your hand for a second?" He asked. He put my hand to his heart and I could feel it pounding fast. "This is what happens every time I'm with you.." he said shyly.  "I'm going to be really cheesy for a minute.. I hope you don't mind." He paused, looking deeper into my eyes. "Among tonight's sky, In my eyes you are the brightest and most beautiful star." He whispered.

I pulled him closer and our foreheads touched. I could feel his breath fanning over my face. God I wanted to kiss him so bad. I could see his head tilt to the side and his lips were inches away from mine. "Mia?" He asked. I looked up to see his eyes moving back and forth from my eyes to my lips "Hm?" "Can I kiss you?" He asked innocently. I leaned in softly pressing my lips to his. Everything else had felt as though it melted away and it was just the two of us in the universe. I decided to deepen the kiss tugging lightly at the back of his locks. A small whimper escaped his lips. My heart was pounding so loudly in my chest I swore he could hear it. I felt so comfortable kissing him that I softly bit his bottom lip, tugging at it slightly and slowly broke away from him. I opened my eyes to see a soft cheeky smile on his now swollen lips. "Wow" is all we could both say. We lay on the roof for a little while longer - my head on his chest and our arms and legs tangled together to keep warm.

We decided to go back inside my room when the frigid air was no longer bearable. I turned on my TV and we snuggled on my bed for the rest of the night laughing at cartoons; and having the occasional tickle fight. I also shared some of my secret stash of junk food with him and showed him where I keep it under a loose floorboard. I apparently told him around one or two in the morning while I was more than half asleep, and in a delirious state "I'm so grateful Ashton is my best friend, and I'm so happy he likes me back." and went on to say how hot I thought he was and that he shouldn't tell Ashton. He giggled quietly and told me he wouldn't tell anyone. A few minutes later I felt him get up and give me a kiss as I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke, I was alone. I questioned if it was all a dream until I rolled over and saw there was a bandanna folded beside my bed and a letter underneath. It read:

Mia,

Sorry I couldn't stay the night. Mom called and she was angry I snuck out of the house. I had an amazing night with you and wish I could've woken up beside you. You sure do talk a lot of that Ashton fellow in your sleep. You seem very fond of him! ;) If you are free today, I would like to take you out. Don't ask me where we are going, its a surprise! I left the bandanna for you because I want you to keep it. It is my favourite one and I want my favourite girl to wear it. Text me when you wake up!

Love,

Ash x