Clean Slate » a.i. au

Sixteen

i DO NOT KNOW how many fckin hiatuses i will go on until i FINISH THIS STORY pls enjoy and excuse the writer's stupidity

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         "Ashton?"

         I open the bedroom door wider, letting the light from the hallway I'm standing in wash over the man tangled up in the sheets, laying motionless in the bed a few feet away. I bite my lip, scared of whatever reply I might get, even though my voice was far too quiet and small for his unconscious self to hear.

         It might be just me, but I swear his behavior did a 180 as soon as Riley entered the scene earlier tonight. No, it's definitely not just me, anyone could have noticed it. He became quieter, sat mostly in one place the whole night, went to bed before everyone else.

         I wouldn't be banging my head against the wall about it if it weren't for his question, before everything went to hell. His demand, actually. I couldn't, and still can't, stop thinking about it. I still don't know how to properly react to it, but I want to talk about it. God, there's nothing I'd rather talk about right now.

         "Ashton," I call again, walking in, and carefully climb onto the bed myself. I brush his hair out of his face, to which he only winces lightly; I still can't figure out wether he's actually asleep or has just mastered the art of pretending.

         With a sigh, I get off the bed and out of the clothes I was wearing, to change into just underwear and the shirt he was wearing earlier. I'm a little hesitant about lying too close to him, let alone putting my arm around his body, but I do both, cautiously.

         His skin is soft and hot under my palm, and I feel his pulse quicken a little bit - informing me he's awake after all. "Ashton," I whisper for the third time, more desperately than before, almost going into cardiac arrest when he turns around. Not too fast, but suddenly enough for me to be shocked.

         "What?"

         A simple, soft 'what'. I didn't hear anger or annoyance in his voice, but his reaction itself is making me feel very, very small in front of him.

         "Hi."

         "Hi."

         He's having none of it. "Are you mad at me?"

         "No," he shifts a little, his hand coming to my hip, the feeling of his much larger hand lightly squeezing the skin sending shivers along my body. "I'm just... unhappy... by how the evening turned out."

         It's all my fault. Absolutely all of it is my fault. "I'm sorry," I raise my hand to his cheek, but he just closes his eyes and shakes his head.

         "It's not your fault."

         "Of course it's-"

         "Yeah, Lucia, of course it's your fault," he says in a louder, harsher voice, shocking me for the second time in ten minutes. "I'm trying not to blame you. Go with it."

         "...Sorry."

         He turns on his back, stretching out a little, and I didn't really think much about it before sliding over, neatly placing my head on his chest - feeling like I kind of tricked him into it. With a sigh he puts his palm on my upper arm, not really reacting to how close we are. Seems like I'm the only one that considers physical closeness a problem.

         "I really am sorry. About everything."

         "I know," he mumbles back, his voice calmer now, "I'll... learn to live with it already. Can we go to sleep now?"

         Okay, he said we, that means I can stay in the bed. Come to think of it, if he didn't let me share this bed, I wouldn't... have anywhere else to sleep? "Sure."

         "Another thing," he adds after turning around, so that I'm spooning him now, "what I said about marriage earlier? Forget about it."

         "Ashton," I breathe out as soon as his words sink into my brain - my biggest fear concerning the whole situation just came true. "Ashton, come on, you don't really-"

         "No, listen," he turns back around to face me, his expression less stone cold as he runs a hand through his curls. "I... I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, asking you to leave college and-and leave the country for me, that's, that's pretty selfish. You shouldn't do something like that unless you want to."

         "What if I want to?"

         "...Do you?"

         I gulp, my eyes going between his eyes and the rest of his face as I searched for an answer; then I realized, I can think about what I want whenever I want. I am in my own head. The more important thing to know is what he is thinking and what he wants now. "D-do you want me?"

         I haven't even finished my whole question before figuring out, that is the question. That's been the question since I woke up from my coma two months ago. Does he want me. It's as simple as that.

         "You know," he licks his lips and props up on his elbow, his face that much closer to mine. Gulp. "You're fucked in the head and it's rubbing off on me, but... I'd be an idiot not to want you."

         "...Are you saying you want me or that you're an idiot?"

         He breathes out a laugh, his hand coming up to my cheek, "I'm definitely saying I want you," He assures me with a smile on his face, "you dumbass."

         "Then... then don't you think we should talk more about this? I mean," I continue urgently as soon as he lets out an exasperated sigh at my question, "we're-we're 21. My parents got married and-and had me and Emma at our age and nothing turned out that bad for them, right?"

         "Right."

         His tone is calm, almost soothing, though I can see he's just waiting for me to be done talking so he could go to sleep. "So... you don't have to write off your... idea, because of something that happened in the past and something that we're getting over, right?"

         I'm more than obviously talking about Riley and my thing with Riley, and how his entire behavior changed earlier tonight when Riley walked into the house- that's just another thing I'd add on the list of things I wouldn't forgive myself if he changed his opinion now. I don't even know where this is coming from, I didn't realize I even wanted to go as far as marrying Ashton, but... now that he put the idea in my head, I can't let go of it.

         "We'll..." he begins, pausing to put his hand on my thigh, "talk about it. Okay?"

         "Ashton-"

         "Lucia," he stops me before I can continue whining, "don't push it, okay? I was, for once, actually happy with everything. Then Riley came in and slapped me back into reality."

         This is it, this is the end. It's the end. This is the breaking point, if we make it through this- what am I saying, of course we won't-

         "Come here," he murmurs, pulling me down in a lying position, his arm around me and his body against mine, "go to sleep, it's been a long day."

         Or maybe I'm just paranoid. Whatever it is, we're gonna figure it out soon enough.

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GOING BACK AND FORTH BECAUSE WHY NOT

okay i realize this SEEMS to be going nowhere but i do have plans to make it more exciting. just stay with me through the back n forth shit bc i'm just building it up lol. and please vote and comment and love me despite that i'm an asshole that needs 27 years to update!!!! thank you and ily!!!!!!!