Snippets of Color

the truth

The truth is I'm scared

Everything is so calm and so quiet
It's so relaxed and ongoing and it scares me
I'm locked inside of my mind
Screaming for someone to help me but I can't get out
I feel like I'm imploding
All of my problems circle around my head and submerge beneath my skin
Pulling everything to my center and I want them out
But every time I open my mouth to release them, I choke
I try to reach, but I can't get the words out

I'm so fucking scared.

The clocks keep ticking away. Dragging me to the future and the unknown and I can't stop it
All I see are the days ahead of me
and I'm certain it's all etched in stone
the tears, the failure, the fear

And all I can hear are my fathers words in my head.

"You'll do better than she did."

But look at her now
She's living in her dreams
She's made it through the hell I'm beginning
Sure, she has the scars and the stains
But she made it
She's dancing with her friends far far away from here
And she's not looking back

All I want to do is lay down and never think again
I want my eyes to close, my body to sink, and my mind to shut off
I want to live in my dreams, too
And go far far away with my own friends.  

I'm haunted.

There something inside of me sleeping
It chokes and suffocates me
I feel like I'm tied down and I can't get away
The clock is still ticking away and I can't even think
The night sky grows darker and darker
and I lay awake
The world outside grows quiet and I can only listen

I'm so fucking scared.

I'm scared of time moving foreword
My life is speeding toward the future and I don't know what to do
The night sky starts to grows lighter
And I'm still awake
Stuck somewhere in between this state of being

I can't move I can't breathe I can't
think

But I can't escape the future
I can't change the fate I'm destined for
I can only watch it unfold right before my eyes
And live with it

Perhaps that's what scares me the most

The fact that I'm so helpless

And there's nothing I can do