Snippets of Color

slow down little girl

slow down little girl, promise you'll get there
just take a moment to look around you
all of this will be gone before you know it
and you'll be too busy missing the old days to notice you've arrived

________________________

i'll tell you how your future ends up
you look around you and see how happy everyone is
they all look like they belong
they're talking to their friends
holding hands with the ones they love
not thinking about the future (the future, the future, it's always the future)
you'll see everyone being themselves
and you wonder how they do it
your whole life, you've been dreaming of being another person
someone who speaks up, someone who is loved by everyone
someone who knows what she wants
and someone who is happy with who she is
you've been so busy imagining this girl, that you forgot to become her
because now you're standing in a building full of people
and each one knows who they are except for you

i'll tell you how your future ends up
you'll wake up every morning
hoping to god someone new will talk to you
you've been swimming around, lost in the sea of new faces for days now
and you're still clinging to the ones with the dusty old faces
you roam the hallways alone
wishing you had someone to be with
because the ones you're stuck to are with new people
and now you're all by yourself, just like you feared
you've been hoping hoping hoping your whole entire life that you'll be happy
but what even is happy in this body of yours?

i'll tell you how your future ends up
every day, you think of him
every day, you dream of him
every day, you talk to him
every day, you watch him be with the one he loves
the one that's not you
you're drowning in his eyes and bathing in his laugh
you feel like you're sinking drowning and suffocating and there's no air no air no AIR
and you try to find someone else to take your mind off of him
because you know he'll never realize how you feel
you need someone to take your mind off of him
even if only for a little while
so you wish and hope and wait for others to see how you feel about them instead
but then you begin to think that no one will ever realize how much you feel
and every day, you start to tell yourself
you're just not desirable in that way
no one has ever told you that
no one can ever love you, because you can't even find a reason to love yourself

i'll tell you how your future turns out
you're always waiting to see what future will be
because it has to get better than this, right?
this can't be all there is
it can't all be waiting and wishing and wanting all the time
you're whole life you've been waiting for these years
the years you can finally live
the years you can finally breathe
the years where you can have fun, fall in love, and be the person you've always dreamed of
but i'll tell you now
the only life you're living is one in slow motion
everyone around you is moving at a normal pace
and you're being left behind
no wonder no one ever looks at you like you want them to
there's no real life in your eyes
you wasted it all on your dreams

________________________

slow down little girl, take your sweet time
just take a moment to look around you
and see how good you have it
the future isn't what you dream it to be
so live while you can
live before it's too late

because little girl,

it's only going to get worse.