Frequencies | Frank Iero

one

Sadness

The dull pain that had been absent for weeks was back again. And yet there was nothing I could do about it. Now that he was back, the feeling would stay until it was his time to leave again.

I had been lying awake since the sun had pulled itself up over the horizon, but I refused to move until my alarm went off. The sheets that had been covering me pooled around my waist as I finally sat up in bed. I stretched my arms in the air as I rocked my head back and forth; the agony felt from the man next door put quite a strain on my muscles during the night. A short burst of unwanted anxiousness shot through me and I quickly stood from my bed, heading toward the bathroom for a shower.

Hot water poured over me, the temperature turning my pale olive skin tone a blushing pink. The tense feeling I had woken up with this morning still lingered, making me want to crawl back into the sanctuary that was my bed and sleep my life away. But I couldn't.

I had to keep moving. I had to get out of this apartment, out of this building and away from that guy. If I got far enough away from him, I'd feel better again. I'd feel like myself again. The shower cut off as I stepped out of the tub, reaching for a fresh towel as I did so. I wrapped the soft material around my damp body as I padded back into my room.

Longing, sadness, fear - these foreign feelings swallowed me up for a brief moment while I stared into the abyss of my wardrobe, but not actually seeing what was inside. This dazed feeling happened quite often when he came back from wherever he disappeared to for weeks on end.

Though the walls of my apartment were thin, they still helped to block out the unwanted feelings of others that seemed to be so drawn to me. But his, they seeped through the cracks like they were thinner than air and yet still heavy enough to weigh on my mind.

I didn't know what it was about the feeling of sadness or even anger, but it always overtook the feelings of happiness. Maybe those types of feelings were just denser than the lightness people felt when filled with joy. It was the only way I knew how to explain the overbearing nature.

I let the sheer fabric of the black shift dress fall where it may against my curves as I searched through my closet for a matching pair of shoes. Black on black was the appropriate attire for my workplace and even though I was the managing curator at the gallery, and could easily change the rule, I actually like the uniformity of it all. It gave the art that was hung there a better opportunity to shine.

My eyes glanced out the large window on the far side of my room to see ominous, grey clouds rolling in over the top of the city building in the distance. It had been raining a lot recently and it seemed as though today would be no different.

I moved quickly through my apartment, grabbing a light jacket to cover my bare shoulders from the cool wind that blew even though spring was just around the corner. Only a few more minutes and I'd been feeling somewhat normal again. I shut the front door behind me and locked it before I turned and rushed for the stairs. My neighbor's solemn feeling hung in the air of the hallway and the need to get away from it only caused my feet to move just that much faster.

A cleansing breath escaped my lungs as I stepped out of my apartment building. The dull itch was still there, but I knew the horrible feeling radiating off the man who lived next door wouldn't fully return until I came home at the end of the day. I was free from him for a while, but that didn't mean I wouldn't attract the feelings of the other city dwellers soon enough.