Losing Rene?

Ch4

Still frozen in fear at the bottom step, I can see my own reflection on the black glass of the door. I lean against a spire for support and take a deep breath.

Movement at the door causes me to look up. It is Connie poking her head out. "You okay?"

I nod. "I've been better, but I'll be alright."

She steps outside and stands at the uppermost step, waiting for me. "Rene has been asking for you."

I inhale deeply at her comment and then began to climb. With each step up I take, my mind races backward over time.

Everything had quickly begun to run along smoothly for Rene, and by the time she had reached fourteen, she had started pressing me for the estrogen hormones. I kept putting her off, reminding her that Dr. Marcus said they couldn't proceed until she was sixteen; nearly a year and a half away. She kept telling me that the minimum age was 14, one state over. "But we aren't a resident of that state," I kept reminding her.

By this time, Rene's wavy hair, when pulled straight, was down to the bottom of her shoulder blades and she was still smaller than boys her age. Even though she was only 14, she already looked every bit the female she desired to become. Even in my own mind, she teetered on the brink of becoming a beautiful young lady, or if she changed her mind, a handsome, albeit petite, young man.

I began to recall standing outside on Rene's fifteenth birthday, at the grill, burning burgers. Rene was giggling and carrying on with Connie's two youngest kids, nearby.

At one point, when Rene turned to the side, I noticed a barely perceptible swell to her bosom that shouldn't have been there, even with the puberty blockers. While it wasn't as noticeable as the other girls, it was disconcerting to me because she shouldn't be developing anything there.

I dismissed it, telling myself that she was probably wearing a padded training bra, but that evening she had changed into a tank top and anyone could have seen that she definitely wasn't wearing a bra, but the bumps were still there.

I confronted Rene about it, letting her know exactly what I was seeing. I wanted to get to the bottom of how she would get these tiny little budding breasts without feminine hormones.

Once again I stood at her door while she was readying herself for bed, clad in her nightgown she was standing in front of a mirror, brushing out her long hair. I knocked on the wall and this caused her to look up at my reflection in the mirror.

"Got a minute?"

"Sure, dad... What's up?" She laid the brush down and turned to face me. Once again I took a seat on her bed and looked around. There was now nothing in the room that spoke of the boy that Rene had once been.

"We both know what Dr. Cammibal said about the blockers she's been giving you, right?" I raised my eyebrows and gave her a knowing look. I shifted my gaze down to her chest and then back up and into her eyes. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

She sat at the edge of the bed, near her pillow. Her nightgown, of a sheer material, was just barely see-through enough that I could see her darker areola, slightly larger and swollen. Almost reflexively her arm covered it as she played nervously with her hair.

She breathed deeply; I could see her mind racing to come up with an explanation that would suffice.

"Out with it," I softly said, hoping that if I maintained my control it would be easier for her to confess.

She pursed her lips and pushed a trembling finger across her lashes, trying to prolong the unavoidable. Finally, she sighed and just blurted out, "For several months now, I've been taking birth control pills for the small amounts of feminine hormones in them."