I dont go crazy, I am crazy and I just go normal from time to time.

Entry 14: Im going crazy...

So... I have a new lover. Usually, I don't post about my love life but I feel like all I can think about is Chris. My brain is so fucking clogged with thoughts of him that I cant get anything done. I don't think I go through a single moment of my day without thinking of him and its very annoying actually. I know our relationship has moved entirely too quickly. I don't know how anyone could resist such a man as him, his scent, his warmth, everything about him just seems to call out to me, stir something primal in me. And the fact that he is still around me and hasn't ran for the hills is a plus. I know I can be trying for his patience and I can see the slight hints of frustration on his face when I wont give a straight answer or I'm too embarrassed to do or say something or admit to something. He's just so comfortable talking about anything and everything that it blows my mind sometimes and though it's frustrating to me when he tries to get me to admit something, I also find it damn sexy that he is able to push me like that. If anyone else did that, I'd fucking dump them right them. Like, seriously, I hate persistence usually but he pushes my buttons just right and knows how to make me give in to him. It's like he's known me longer than he really has (which is actually only a few weeks...)

Okay, so anyway, here's our story so far.

I met him through Craig's List. Now before you go and rail me for meeting up with a guy from CL, Just know that I usually don't do stupid things... this was the first guy i'd met from online. We met up a day or two later at booksamillion and talked as we browsed the books and such. When we ran out of stuff to look at, we moved on to the other little stores on the strip, mostly clothing stores. I had a laugh while explaining bra sizes to him and looking making fun of lingerie. I found out quickly that he liked to be absolutely truthful with people and I really respected that. I had to navigate a few awkward convos with hi which usually pertained to our sexual lives. He told me something that totally blew my mind and stopped me in my tracks for a second though. He stopped me where there was no one around us and asked me how many people I'd been with. I answered truthfully, I'd been with three other men, all with condoms of course. But then he said I was totally going to hate him. I don't remember the exact number he told me but he said the number of people he has been with was in the twenties. I was mentally floored. Now I'm normally quiet but as we walked I guess he didn't know how to perceive my silence and I saw a bit of disappointment cross his face before I thought of a response. HE asked me if I hated him now that he told me and I told him that I valued his honesty and I didn't hate him (how could I hate that adorable face?). I gave him a smile and moved on. I stored the info away to process at a later time. later on we walked to Panera bread and ate a late lunch... well I ate like half of a turkey bravo because my apatite is messed up from how I eat when I work. We walked through Hobby Lobby and best buy before just sitting in his car and talking.

That night on my way home, I decided that I sorta liked him. He was adorable and sexy and playful yet intense. I decided that I didn't care about the almost six years between us (he's 24 and I'm 19), or the fact that he's clearly more experienced than me. I decided that I would give him a chance.

Boy, did he take that chance and run with it.

The next week, I invite him to my house (I had the house to myself and I am a grown woman, dammit). All is well for most of the morning, we watch tv and I cooked breakfast and forced a bit down before I died of starvation, then we ended up cuddling on the couch. He had previously warned me that he could get a little handsy but he was always respectful and asking before he touched or put his hand in a more intimate spot. Soon he decided that the throw pillows were sucky, I immensely agreed and he offered to go get one of my pillows but I followed him to my room, seeing as he had never been in my house before and didn't know where my room was much less what pillow was the best. He saw my overflowing bookshelf and got sidetracked so we sat on the bed, well I laid on my stomach, and looked through the books. HE grabbed one of my Ripley's Believe It Or Not books and we looked through it for a while before getting bored with it.

After a little battle of whit with him, he ended up looming over me, caging me under him before he started messing with my boobs again. I giggled when I exasperated him by not telling him what I was thinking and he buried his face in my chest. I wrapped my hands around his head and told him I would smother him to death if he didn't stop sulking. He laughed and slid his hands up my sides knowing how ticklish I am.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure he got me out of my bra... But he was a little mean when he played with my boobs, occasionally, biting at my very sensitive nipples and enjoying my little mewls of pained pleasure. And god I didn't want him to stop. Soon, I ended up in just my panties, a pair of hipsters with colorful diamonds on them. I was a little embarrassed by the fact that my panties weren't the sexiest but I soon didn't care. He had been fingering me before my shorts even came off so quite frankly, I didn't care that I laid under him, completely exposed. And then all that was left to shed was his boxers which I practically ripped off. I wanted him worse than I'd ever wanted anyone before. God damn it, I needed him.

I'm not gonna give you all the sexy details cause quite frankly the memories area little fuzzy but damn, it was hot and steamy and made my head spin. I also realized I was a little out of shape. Time for a gym membership. Anyways, the sex was great and he was the first I've ever had without a condom, and damn, I don't know if it was just my brain going crazy but It feels like 100 times better without a condom. And before you ask, no, he didn't cum in me. I'm so not ready for a tiny me running around and ill be damned if I'm stuck with a mini-me all by myself. I grew up without a dad and I know how hard and confusing it is for a little kid to be the only person in their kindergarten class whose dad didn't come to the daddies and doughnut day at school. Like damn. That's sad. If I have a little hellion running around calling me mama, I'm gonna make damn sure that it's daddy is there to help me out.

So here I am, a day later, laying in bed and typing this up. I know that it's not that great a read and not very well written but I had to get this out of my brain and off my chest. I feel like having sex with him made me too clingy. Now if you know me, you'll understand that I hate it when people are clingy with me. I like my space and I hate to be touched and I have a slight hatred for humanity in general but he seems to be the exception to the rule. Every day, I seem to get closer and cling a little tighter. I know it's probably annoying to have a little girl constantly texting you all the god damn time so I'm gonna tone it down slightly.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my crazy ramblings! Ill update with details later if anything happens. The above picture is of Chris.