The Reason I Died

Uncle renneys death

I've been crying for the past few days, I needed time to mourn his death.I started popping pills and started shooting up I felt so hopeless I felt like drugs was the only thing that could help me stop the pain.
I'm not taking his death to well even though I felt betrayed by him because he left and never came back I still love him.
"It's all my fault",I yelled at myself starring into the mirror.
The tears fell one by one and I watched each one of them trail down my face.This pain was overwhelming; it's slowly killing me in the inside.
"I should've saved him"I yelled at my reflection in the mirror.
My phone started ringing and I ignored It I wasn't interested in anything anybody had to say.

I needed to get my shit together if I wanted to get revenge for Uncle renney so I took all the anger I had inside and focused it on how I would tortoure this one human being, at the time it seemed like a good idea because I was burning with rage but I didn't realize that I was slowly losing myself.
I didn't know what to fill the empty void with so I filled the empty space with the only thing I knew pain,anger,and betrayl which would create my future mistakes.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Who the fuck could be knocking at the door this time of night?

I quickly removed the knife under my pillow and threw on my long sleeved shirt and pants, I didn't want anybody noticing the needle marks and razer cuts on my arm.
"Who the fuck is knocking on my door like they the damn police"
"It's me Lewis open up the door it's cold outside"
I hid the knife and slowly opened the door to see the cutest face ever.It seems like every time I see him he looks better.
"Wassup Diamond"
"Hey Lewis"I blushed sheepishly.
"You gon lemme in or nah"
"Yea get your scrowny ass in here"
He entered the apartment and started looking around.
"Where's your suitcases?"
"I'm not staying for long I only came to make sure you were ok"
"So what are you going to wear?"
"I got two Duffel bags in the car ones full of money the other is filled with clothing"

"Oh ok well I'll show you to your room before dinner"
"So where do you wanna eat?"
"Here"
"Oh so you wanna order pizza or something"
"No niggah I'm going to cook"
"Oh Sorry you never told me you could cook"
"Whatever go get ready while I cook"

After showing him to his room I went to the kitchen and started cooking.
After I got done I went into my room to freshen up a little bit,I washed my face and hands and decided to put on a tiny bit of makeup.
The bags under my eyes were heavy, even makeup couldn't cover it up so I just left it alone. I knocked on his bedroom door once or twice before he opened the door.
His abs were gorgeous I felt like reaching out my hands and touching every single part of his body but I guess that's just my harmones fucking with my head.
"Where's your shirt?"
"Do I need one?"
"No your good lets go eat"
Soon as I sat down I started eating and he was just staring at me like I did something foul.

"Why you starring so hard?"
"You ain't even say prayer"
"I don't believe in God"
"Well I do so close your eyes in bow your head"
"You believe in God but your out here doing wrong"
"I said I believed in him I never said I was the most perfect Christian walking on earth, even though I can't do good all the time it wouldn't hurt to pray and ask for forgiveness sometimes at least he knows I'm trying".
"I'm Sorry I judged you but when I called for him he never answered,he let me go through hell"
"Baby girl your just going to have to understand everything happens for a reason"
starring into his eyes all I could see was sincerity.Maybe I should go to my old tanieyah ways but not until I revenge my uncle's death.
"Lord bless the food..",but before he could continue I budged in and said"help me find my way back to you, forgive me for disobeying you and forgive me for what I'm going to do for uncle renney. I'm not perfect God but all I ask is for protection and forgiveness. Amen".

"You want revenge don't you"
"Your the only one I could call"
"Why didn't you call Amy"
"Me and her got into a big argument after you left"
"Where she at now?"
"Don't worry she's doing well she has a job and everything"
"Ight then when you wanna go after him?"
"I don't know who did it yet"
"It was Derrick"
"Oh really"I started smirking, now I definitely knew who to focus all my anger on;I'm going to make that niggah wish he never existed.