Blue Is Not Always Gloomy

Chapter One: AWAKE

Tasha Das
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The clock on my wall kept ticking at regular intervals, reminding me of the slowly slipping time. I checked my phone, it showed 1:30am. And here I was lying on my bed with pillows tightly held over my ears. Trying to shut the sound of the clock and the slowly rising anxiety inside me. For a sleep addict like me being awake at such hours was the worst nightmare. All of this drama is because tomorrow is a very important day. I've somehow with my dedication and hard work made it to a government medical college. I don't know about you but in a society like where I live it is a pretty big thing. A thing to rejoice and celebrate, a thing to be proud of, a thing that makes your parents happy. But this isn't that easy, it comes with its own responsibilities. The responsibility to continue the journey you have set with the same determination in the hope of getting better than before everyday. But you know what it scares me. The thought isn't that bad making new friends learning new things, adapting to your new schedule and classes does seems easy, doesn't it?

Anxiety can generate crazy thoughts, like it made me think that it would be great to walk in the dark like a ghost without making a noise to the kitchen to quench your imaginary thirst that wasn't even there seconds ago. So I got up and obviously I couldn't see anything and got hit on my little toe just at the corner of the stairs, the lady hulk inside me was ready to shout and turn everything into dust but I resisted. You should clear every doubt from your mind about me being a medical student because I do state things like this,"my pupils were dilating​ to there maximum limit but due to unavailability of light I still couldn't see anything".

Darkness has its own life. It felt like it was trying to hold me up and prevent me from moving but I'll tell you I'm not into horror that much so I still moved after that almost hulk transformation I was careful enough to touch objects and move slowly. In the end I was safely standing in the kitchen without being attacked by any ghost or turning the house down to dust, I switched on the light and took a glass full of water and drank it.

Anxiety also does this great job of turning you into a great philosopher because I thought this:
Darkness is all around you, you can only hide from it by light, but you can't destroy it.
Creepy I know.

I returned to my room this time taking care not to hit anything. I Lied down and after an intense 30 minutes session of the interesting ceiling and the random thoughts, I fell asleep, but this wasn't the kind of deep slumber I always have it was mostly restless and numb.
...........................

I woke up to 9 missed calls from my dearest best friend, Naina. That's why we have friends, to be our alarm clock. I got up with a dried saliva stained face and a hallo for hair, all fairy-taily nothing new. Now that I was up I thought clearly about my situation. I have to go to the college, attend classes, get back alive, ain't that hard buddy. So I convinced myself into doing tasks step by step and I'll be done with it by the evening. Just the thought of being done makes me happy.

I sat on my bed with my legs comfortably placed on the cold floor and my hands on my either sides. I stared at the wall in front of me. I had a big shelf besides my study table (a messy one I might add). The shelf was full of books I've read for this two years wholeheartedly, most of the books had there binding torn and pages were ready to fly. I was planning to donate it to some needy; maybe next week(procrastinator).
The royal blue colour of the wall seemed totally different in the morning light it was all more awful to look at, it added to the gloom in me. But I loved blue and blue isn't always gloomy. Blue has its different shades and each shade expresses a different feeling. I've always connected myself to blue. Blue seemed so me. Odd but likeable just as I am.

While I was lost in my trail of thoughts, a knock on the door startled me. I opened the door to this,
"Good morning dear! Aren't you ready for The Big Day?" I could feel the capitals in her speech.
"Morning Mom!"

Look how cheered up she is! Now get your lazy ass to work.

So I left my room brushed my teeth washed that saliva stain, took a good long shower and let all the crazy thoughts wash out of my mind. I wore a nice blue shirt with an old denim jeans. What a match!

Right now staring into the mirror I saw a confident girl, It seems like all the earlier fears had melted away. Whom am I kidding all I saw in that mirror was the "Panda effect". Let me tell you a bit about the Panda effect it is when you are fair but you got dark circles af 🐼 (courtesy again to my dearest friend Naina). I heard my name being called upon and instantly I knew it was my dad, " You're going to be late" his voice shrank me. I grabbed my backpack pulled my hairs into a high pony & went down. My dad fills me up with optimism through his influential words. He's my idol.

Done with the necessary steps and now ready for the showtime. You know that churning feeling in your stomach when you think you are hungry but you are actually scared that just happened now. My mother had made me a breakfast but I felt I might get late if I'd had it. "I'm getting late mom" I told her. "But you can't just rush off without eating" my mom seemed concerned. Somehow I managed to calm her. "I would get some bun" I said briskly and left my home.

I went with lots of expectations with lots of hopes and lots of positiveness. I could feel the inner strength in me as all my systems working together to win the battle of the new world. The world I never been through, stayed waiting for me just a few minutes away.